Dealing With Husband S Midlife Crisis

Posted on October 31, 2011 by

Dealing with infidelity is the thing that you have hoped you would never need to do. After all good relationships just do not have infidelity as part of their reality. But your nightmare is here! You have been in a fog of shock, despair and disbelieveaasking yourself over and over, what did he lack from you that drove him into her arms? Your self esteem is at its lowest but dealing with infidelity is crucial so that you can move on from this dark place.

  1. Time apart! Dealing with infidelity sometimes requires you to take time away from him to just sort things out in your mind and to mourn for what has happened. If you want to take time apart from him let him know this is what you are doing. Use this time apart to just filter your feelings and understand what it is that you want to do. Your first inclination will be to leave his sorry self but you need to be sure in your heart of hearts that this is what you want to do. You do not want to kick him out and then come crawling back 3 months later wanting him back neither do you want to take him back but resent him all the time and be consumed with regret that you did so. What decision can you live with? Then that is the decision that you must make!
  2. His attitude! Dealing with infidelity requires that you understand his motivation for doing it and whether or not he is genuinely sorry about it and will never (ever) do it again. A man who has never cheated on you and is genuinely sorrowful about his deed and will not repeat the action is not in the same category as a serial cheater. Some men are sorry that they have been caught and not because of what they did and you need to be able to decipher what his sorrow is about.
  3. Professional help! This will help crystallize both your attitudes and give you concrete things to do to rebuild your relationship. Dealing with infidelity requires that you both come clean before someone who can put skills in your hand to help you along. A professional also helps you see things that you normally don't or from perspectives that you often don't consider. We are often tempted to omit this step and deal with it by ourselves but this may leave the core issues that led to the infidelity unearthed leading to a repeat of the behavior in the future.
  4. Can you both move on? Dealing with infidelity requires that if you have decided to forgive himathen you must forgive him and he must work at earning your trust. If both of you are not willing to work on the relationship then dealing with the infidelity will be impossible and your relationship will either break up irreconcilably or there will be such emotional distance between you that you will be a couple only in name. For many of us this is the difficult step since we are deeply wounded and the man doesn't often understand how deep this wound is and how he really needs to stick to the agreed program and activities to build our trust in him.
  5. Give yourself time! Dealing with infidelity requires time for the healing process to take place and for your man to win back your trust. You will have times where you will be suspicious of him but this is normal and you just have to keep taking each day at a time and learning to trust him again. He must win back your trust with time for you to get past the infidelity.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    How do you deal when your husband is going through a midlife crisis?
    I'v only been married 2 years but my husband is already starting to go through what I think is a mid life crisis! He's talking about wanting to move out of the city we've lived in for 20 years, and wanting to quit his job and take his bike down to South America or Europe and go on a cycling tour for 6 months. We're just on the verge of selling our smaller house and buying a bigger house. Also we've been trying to have babies for 2 years and all we've had are 3 miscarriages and doctors are saying that I am probably infertile, so we're also dealing with this. How should I deal with his midlife crisis? Should I be threatened by it? Is my only option to sit and wait and see what he does in the next few months? How can I keep him happy when he's not satisfied with his life as it is right now? (He still really loves me though, but lately he is more critical of me than he normally is)
    We are both in our mid (him) to late (me) thirties so we're not spring chickens!

    • ANSWER:
      It is easy to love someone during the good times. Hard spots in life challenge us to find and keep the love alive.
      Focus on the good things. Try to listen with the heart and don't be unwilling to listen to some of the options that he has. REsearch and read up on the topic. I bet there are many others who have been there and have some good advise on how to deal with this.
      Sounds like it is just a challenge that needs to be worked out through effective communication and understanding....a phase that will go away soon enough.

  2. QUESTION:
    Is my husband going through a midlife crisis or what?
    he is unhappy with his life. he says eveything is ok, but his demeanor is different. He still spends time with his kids, but it seems our relationship is slipping. he hates his job and wants to move away (all of us - i think). but then changes his mind.

    another thing i am not sure about is, it seems like he trying to control everything i do (this is not s new thing) but it seems to becoming more prominent.

    how do i deal with this?

    • ANSWER:
      Extra BJs required.

  3. QUESTION:
    Dealing with midlife crisis?
    My husband of 20 years left our 14 yo daughter and me about three months ago. He reasons included things like "I'm loving you less," and "You've changed in ways I don't like," though he couldn't elaborate on that. He's not sure if he wants a divorce, but wants time and space and has asked me to be understanding. He still pays the bills and does maintenance around the house. He's spending more time with our daughter now than he ever did when he lived with us, though I am the one who sets it up. I am absolutely sure he is not involved with anyone else.

    I believe he is going through a midlife crisis. He is approaching 60, and has lived past the age of his father when his father died. He feels he doesn't have much longer to live, maybe 15 years, and wants to spend that time being single and independent. He's unhappy in his job (he's not currently working in his career field), feels unappreciated and underpaid there, and has been unsuccessful in finding another. Paying for two households is extremely difficult financially, but he isn't willing to sell his summer sports car, even though he could drive his winter car all year long.

    My question is: what things should I do or not do? I am trying to be understanding and supportive, but I don't have a clue as to what would be helpful to him, and what would put our marriage more at risk. I'd appreciate honest thoughtful answers from people who've been there.

    • ANSWER:
      60 is a mid-life crisis if the expectancy is to live on to be 120. LOL. you just stated all the reasons why. mid-life is in the 40's. his is an end of life evaluation and for what you are posting here, the picture he is seeing is not good. he is trying to hold on for dear life to those logs that pass him by that might keep his head above water on that ocean of turmoil that his life has become. im sure that when he saw himself reaching that age this wasnt the picture he had in mind that his life was going to become. he is trying to make some sense of what it all means, if actually life passed him by.

      read articles about developmental psychology, the late adult stage. you might get to understand the situation better and be in a spot that you can handle it and help. good luck to you.

  4. QUESTION:
    Husband having midlife crisis? feeling insecure...?
    he's got a new, younger, friend, listens to new music that a year ago he called crap, hangs out at Hooters once a week at least, recently got a new car...and I feel like somehow I'm not enough...he reassures me that is not the case, but I don't know how to deal with my feelings of insecurity. I don't want to ask him not to do these things, because there is nothing wrong with them individually, but together they seem to paint a larger picture. Help? suggestions?

    • ANSWER:
      Whew from the title I thought you were my wife. My crisis isn't as bad as his.
      Keep an eye on him. Tell him about your concerns. Go with him but don't be a drag.

  5. QUESTION:
    How do I explain my husband that he might be having a midlife crisis ?
    Every little thing seems to be a problem for him lately. He is only 46 but suddenly, he thinks the World has to evolve around him. There are luckily no financial reasons to worry he's just so damn sensitive lately. I ask him what is wrong and he sleeps until 12:00 noon ! His appetite is good and I even asked him if he's depressed and he says "no". Yesterday, he asked me something and since I was dressing the kids for their after school activities, I told him to give me "5 minutes" (I was in the other room) and he got all upset, made a big deal out of nothing and once the kids were out of the house, I told him to STFU ! He insists, that there is nothing wrong with him and I'm just sick and tired of his attitude. When do men have these "midlife crisis" ?????

    • ANSWER:
      Just be frank with him. Tell him that you're not sure what's going on, but you would appreciate he lose his attitude and be a little nicer. He may not even realize he's doing it half the time. That will hopefully give him a gut check and he'll be more aware.

  6. QUESTION:
    whats wrong with my husband? too early to be a midlife crisis.?
    Sorry but this is going to be a long one. but if you are going to Answer i would appreciate if you read through please. ok i am 23 and my husband is 28. and we have been married 3 years.
    this year in particular he is becoming distant and we don't do intimate things anymore.
    now also this year he has been hanging around single friend that are on the hunt and he has begun the
    "i think i got married too soon" ' i saw an attractive girl and i wanted to talk to her" crap. and yesterday he kinda put out there me and him are like friends. i cried all day yesterday.
    i let him watch all the sports he wants( i watch with him) i let him do what ever he wants i don't complain.
    also he said there is no romance but i don't need it he is the one that does.
    he said before he did not want a divorce.we do not have kids.
    we have not been Intimate for awhile now and the last time we did he said "ah~shouldn't have done that now i am going to be tired" i was like ....????(are you serious?)
    but he does get tired easily with other things too. i wonder if it is because he leukemia about when he was in his teens and he also had radiation and chemo thus he cant have kids now.
    and he has been trying to start a Business also (stress)so whats his deal does he really just love me like a friend now? he said he would not get counseling we have been in a really bad place for like 2 weeks now.
    i am an above average person i am not overweight. he said i don't dress up anymore but at the same time he does ot take us out anymore. i go to work now i clean and i cook in the morning.
    if you need more info please ask because i am stressed out and in pain.
    ps: he said we don't do husband and wife things?( if he means sex he is the one who does not want it) he eats terrible but is not overweight.( i was thinking maybe he is developing diabetes) but that would not explain him loving me like a friend.....
    also i might have hurt his feeling about intimacy because i told min after like a year of barely doing it and when we do it its like he doesn't even try. i told him he needs to practice doing it with me.( o was wrong i know it probably hurt his ego.soooo~~~ tell me what's going on...or what i can or should do... i mean if he is bored like i am sure every one gets time to time i understand but i would like to do something about it but he is unwilling. also i know there are ALWAYS going to be attractive women he will see and honestly there will be some more attractive than me i don't mind him looking but getting the urge to " hook up with her" that's out of order...
    by the way as i write this he said he feels shakey all over ....so i think he might be sick but that does not excuse wanting to be with other women.well i am looking forward to your honest and helpful answers from men and women alike thank you :)

    • ANSWER:
      tell me what's going on...
      >> Neither of you know how to make the relationship work - it takes good relationship skills that you can learn.

      or what i can or should do
      >>go for counseling or read relationship books and learn how to make it work!

      re: also he said there is no romance but i don't need it he is the one that does.
      >> You don't need it? Strange thing for a woman to say. Usually it's the other way around!

      we do not have kids.
      >> THAT'S GOOD!

  7. QUESTION:
    How do I know if m husband over 20 yars is unhappy with our marriage or is just having a midlife crisis?
    I am 37 yrs old and have been married 4 over 20 yrs to the love of my life. We have 2 wonderful children a 17 yr old confusing daughter still living at home and a 19 yr old son college graduate out on his own. My husband came home last week with an the anoncement that he's been having "feelings" for a long time that sometimes he does not want to come home any more. I thought we were happy yes we are dealing with teenage drama right now but for the most part we have good days she is usually working or off with her friends and "we" have been spending quality time togeather. Why all of a sudden is he unhappy is it "us" or is it a mid life crisis/ What do I do and how can I help?

    • ANSWER:
      Talk.
      And talk again.
      Then talk some more.

      Communication is the key. If you try to second guess him, you will always get it wrong. Get him to tell you what his "feelings" really say, and tell him your thoughts and "feelings". The love is still there, you have just forgotten how to show it.

  8. QUESTION:
    How do I deal with a "midlife crisis"?
    I'm almost 40, married to a wonderful guy for many years, reasonably attractive, we have a toddler son (who is severely disabled from birth). Here's the problem: I can't stop living in the past. I obsess over how I can no longer go out and "party." I'm *very* bothered by the fact that men don't really notice me anymore. It is driving me mad. Recently I've also started obsessing over this guy that I dated about 12 YEARS ago...can't think of anything but him, even tried to contact him! And I love my husband very, very much. I just can't get over this feeling that my life is over. It is intruding into my life to the point that I am having trouble with day-to-day functioning. I've just started seeing a counselor about it (finally), but I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this? Especially the obsessing over this guy! It's ridiculous, but it's eating me alive.

    • ANSWER:
      I probably can't say much to help you but I have definitely gone through the same thing. It doesn't seem to bother some people, but getting older has often been a problem for me, and at times I have gotten very focused on certain past relationships. I didn't try to contact those people though, first because it wasn't easy and second because I did realize that neither of us is the same person that we were at the time we knew each other. I think your decision to see a counselor is wise and I know you will be able to work through this. You are not alone in your experience and you will not always feel this way. You have a lot going on in your day to day life, so living in the past is a way to escape. You yourself realize that you can't really go back there, and that is difficult because we do give up a lot as we move from attractive and relatively independent younger women to a more settled life. And, yeah, I don't like it that I don't turn so many men's heads anymore. Fortunately for my ego, I live abroad where European men know how to appreciate a somewhat older woman! So I get a little boost from the occasional appreciative glance...anyway, you're doing your best to handle it, so hang in there.

  9. QUESTION:
    how must a wife deal or react to a husband's mid-life crisis ?
    at 54 years old , my husband started to philander choosing young students who take advantage of men with midlife insecurities to get financial support to see these students through school.

    • ANSWER:
      Yikes 54? I went though mine at 40, well, hard to say, every man is different but there is this feeling perhaps of I've invested all this time in my marriage and what have I missed, what could I have done, I could have been a contender type attitude. He KNOWS he is being taken advantage of, he just doesn't care, he is getting attention from young pretty girls which is filling a void for him. If I had any advice I'd say to mix it up a bit in the marriage more sex never hurts, get involved in something together if he always wanted to say, hike to the top of Mt. Whitney, get some hiking shoes and GO, go with him. Remind him of all he has worked for and how quickly he could loose it by fooling around, validate him with all he has accomplished and let him know how valuable this marriage is. Wish I had more to offer, there is a maturity factor here that I think is different for a lot of men.

  10. QUESTION:
    Mid-life crisis at age 33?
    Can a man have a midlife crisis at this age? Would the birth of a child cause a midlife crisis? What are the symptoms and what can I do to deal with my husband if that's what's going on?

    • ANSWER:
      Mid-life crisis ( aka Andropause ) is a dramatic decrease in testosterone which causes depression and regrets. Symptoms you might see are: Loss of libido, depression, wanting a complete change of life ( not liking the life he has ).
      It's not uncommon for men to feel weird when a baby comes along, as things have changed. Yes, your man can go through a crisis at this age, or any age. He's just going through the changes.

  11. QUESTION:
    Men's Mid life crisis. How best to deal with it?
    My husband is 50 years old.
    Over the past couple of years he has been going through what i finally identify as men s midlife crisis syndrome ..which is 1. making a huge job change.He left consultancy for the high risk oil business which he has no knowledge about to make big money 2. Death defying behavior.He hate to be 50 always telling others that he still 38.When his friend and our son passed away he seem to realise that there so many things in life that he has yet to achieve...making money and getting himself a posche is one of it 3.Grooming to the extreme.He became very conscious of his looks.buying all the anti aging products that he can hold on to 4.Reverting to the twenties behaviour.Starts buying red shirts suitable for youngters and going out for concerts 5. Outrageous purchases of bikes with money he could use to support himself on retirement or spending on our daughters education.6 Flirting with girls half his age.This has embarassed me and my daughter a lot 7.Free spirit behaviour leading to irresponsibility with almost 24/7 nite outs and well as excessive reminiscing.Often talking about the old days... Recently when caught him flirting again i told him to snap out of this "mid life crisis" thing..I was so hurt and told him that he was not worthy of my love and care all these years as i have tolerated him long enough. Told him to get his priorities in life straight. He may work hard during the day to achieve whatever he want in life but rest and spend time with the family and be thankfull to god at the end of the day,otherwise he might lose everything. Some people told me to hang on it will pass. I feel that to make things better he has to do his part to make me feel worth staying. What do think...

    • ANSWER:
      Flirting is natural. Although it should not be so blatant as to be embarassing or to occur so outright in front of you and your daughter. It sounds to me like the biggest problem here is insecurity on his part. My advise is to spice it up some, make sure he knows you still love and want him - be positive and try not to "nag" (yes, I hate that word, too). I am not sure on the age of your daughter, sounds older, like maybe college age. Schedule time with him, go on a date, dress up like you would have if your relationship was new, flirt as if your relationship was new, and bring some passion and excitement into it at the end of the night. Continue to reassure him and hopefully he will come around rather quickly. If it ever goes farther than flirting, though, leave immediately. There are some bridges one can not cross and some acts women should not tolerate.

  12. QUESTION:
    My ex-husband has a girlfriend, how do I go on?
    As some of you might know from my ongoing saga here at YA, my husband of 20 years told me he wanted a divorce six months ago. Then two weeks ago he said he was considering coming back to me. Then he said he wouldn't. And now he tells me he has a girlfriend. He has already told our 12 year old son about it. I think he must have known her before he told me it was over, but I'm not sure. What is going on in his head? It doesn't seem like he has a head at the moment, he is acting very uncharactaristically. My sister think it's the male midlife crisis (he is 43) and her ex acted like that when he was that age (they divorced as well). I tend to agree with her. How do I get over this? I definitely don't want to meet her and I'd prefer not to hear about her...it hurts too much. Any suggestions as to how deal with this?

    • ANSWER:
      sounds like a midlife crisis to me too. i've seen every man that age go through it. you sound like you have a wonderful and very perceptive sister

      you have absolutely no need to meet the new girl..and i congratulate you for being in tune enough with your feelings [and honest with yourself] to identify that you definetly dont want to meet her. don't meet her..

      and you were married for 20 years. 20 years!! your exhusband should know you well enough not to talk about her around you. but men sometimes need the most obvious things pointed out to them, and you probably need to lay down the law. he probably still feels most comfortable around you, so he thinks it's ok to come to you with his latest news. lay it down for him-he certainly put you in the position to say whatever you want.

      i know sometimes it seems very obvious what we feel, and we expect the people we are closest to to pick up on our hints and body languages...but sometimes, we just need to say it. 'i am hurting. i am in pain. you are hurting me. please stop. let's not repeat this again. i have needs too and this is not one of them. don't subject my child to this.' all are things you can say..and more.

      best of luck..big hug to you from all of YA

  13. QUESTION:
    I am new here and need help My Husband claims he is not in love with me anymore after being married 22 years?
    Well I just found out in June that My husband was cheating on me with a fellow employee. He stated that they only talked on the phone, but that is still cheating when you have to hide and lie about it. Now he is stating that he more or less does not want to save our marriage, I still love him and have been doing everything in my power to try to reason with him. I cant figure out what she has that I dont except maybe the newness, maybe he is going through a midlife crisis? I dont know he changes from day to day. But he finally told me over the weekend he was unhappy and didnt want to spend any time with me. (That is I believe what happened from the start of his eyes roaming) I have lost alot of weight over the past two months, I am totally disabled, so it isnt easy, especially trying to walk, but Ive been dealing with the pain, taking my meds right before and laying down after. There is so much more, I dont know what to do here. He's talking divorce, Im in limbo. We have no children.

    • ANSWER:
      There is nothing one person can do to save a marriage. If the other person wants out, the marriage is over.
      I would try not to appear desperate. Neediness is not attractive. Do everything to show yourself that you can make it without him. Make a huge effort to build up your strength and self-confidence. In that way, you will be as ready as possible for a divorce, while at the same time reminding him of what he saw in you to begin with.
      Good luck.

  14. QUESTION:
    My husband got laid off and now thinks every day is a vacation?
    So my husband got laid off a couple of weeks ago and he anything but disappointed. He's still getting residual checks and I make enough plus we have more in the bank, so we're okay financially. He wants to take about six months before looking for another job. I told him that's fine, that I would pick up some more hours at my job if he would pick up my chores at home. Not too much.. just make dinner, keep the house clean, do the grocery shopping and laundry. He agreed and was happy with the arrangement. So I've been working more, and now he's lazy. He hasn't kept up his end of the deal at all. He sleeps til 11:30 everyday, goes golfing whenever he can. Yesterday I called him on my lunch break and he told me he was at the bar. The bar, at 12:30 in the afternoon! He has yet to make dinner, and I always come home to a dirty house. I don't know what to do. Is this a midlife crisis?

    • ANSWER:
      KICK HIS @SS
      he needs to get the housework/shopping done
      then hit the brick and LOOK FOR A JOB
      not just online, but door to door and newspapers too

      Unemployment is NOT paid vacation
      p!sses me off when people milk the system this way
      my neighbr got laid off and plays warcraft all day
      I so wanna hit him but i have to be above that

  15. QUESTION:
    my husband is 41 and his gf is 24 - im finding it hard to deal with?
    Hello, About 4 months ago I had everything a could wish for, I had my own little horse sanctuary, my dogs, good friends and a husband I was devoted to. Then this girl came to work at our yard, he started picking fights with me, became v moody and down. he hid his phone from me and the 2 of them always seemed to be chatting on thier own somewhere - I became jealous & suspicious. He swore there was nothing in and so did she. He made me so miserable that he eventually asked for a divorce so i had to leave my life behind and move in with my parents. He's unemployed and I still pay for everything at the yard - the mortgage and all the bills, he is living there to look after the animals. They have finally admitted they are seeing each other - She discovered that he has lied to her and she rang me for the truth. He rang me in floods of tears saying he's never loved anyone the way he loves her and to please not take her away from him. Well she did go back to him and it is ripping my heart out to think of them together in my yard with my animals and living my life. Do you think with the age differnce he could have been having a midlife crisis or do you think that they were just meant to be, She is still married - only 1 year and has a 15mth old baby to her husband. Do you think they will last?
    The reason he is still there is I cannot hold down my job and look after the animals and pay for hired help. I have put the property on the market now and with the grace of God I hope it sells quickly and I can be free to start again. I would'nt take him back - but for my own purely selfish reasons I would love their relationship to be doomed and for him to hurt as much or more than he has hurt me - wicked of me I know. He even went as far as tell her we hadnt slept together in 4 years, but we were trying for a baby this year - it rips me apart the thought of them playing happy familes together. Her husband knows what is happening and they are getting seperated too.

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with magic 8 ball, thats your house, you done nothing wrong get back into the house!!

      You said she is also married. does her husband know?

      You said : " Do you think with the age differnce he could have been having a midlife crisis or do you think that they were just meant to be, She is still married - only 1 year and has a 15mth old baby to her husband. Do you think they will last?"

      Why does it matter if he is having a midlife crisis or not? I know you love your husband but are you seriously considering taking him back if it doesn't work out with his mistress.

      while i'm at, how dare he ring you and ask You not to spoil it!!! grrrrrrrrrrrr
      What about what he has done to you??

      I think you should move back into YOUR house, speak to a solicitor and see if there are any grounds to sack her and if her husband wants to know why then tell him! why should you cover for her!

      Sorry if i went on abit, it just annoys me, your worth alot more than this.

  16. QUESTION:
    How do you deal with getting older?
    How do you deal with a midlife crisis? I'm almost 40, married to a wonderful guy for many years, reasonably attractive, we have a toddler son (who is severely disabled from birth). Here's the problem: I can't stop living in the past. I obsess over how I can no longer go out and "party." I'm *very* bothered by the fact that men don't really notice me anymore. It is driving me mad. Recently I've also started obsessing over this guy that I dated about 12 YEARS ago...can't think of anything but him, even tried to contact him! And I love my husband very, very much. I just can't get over this feeling that my life is over. It is intruding into my life to the point that I am having trouble with day-to-day functioning. I've just started seeing a counselor about it (finally), but I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this? Especially the obsessing over this guy! It's ridiculous, but it's eating me alive.
    Wow - I really appreciate all of the good advice here! You guys are very insightful. Thanks for helping me put things into perspective (and thanks to the guys who explained the whole "looking" at women thing).

    • ANSWER:
      Well if I was you I'd build a bridge and 'GET OVER IT'! All of us age, its one thing in life we can't control. Jeez I'm 40ish (43) and am finding this age to be very pleasurable. Sure we don't go partying as much as we used to, sure life has slowed down a bit, it is now time to really start enjoying your maturity.
      Start setting little goals for yourself, things like; lose a few pounds here and there, buy some sexy clothes, start/join a power walking group, get to know people of your own age and ask what they do to keep living the good life.

      Start doing different things, jogging, walking joining a sports club stuff like that. Try to go to different places, do something you've always wanted to do but have always been to scared to do!
      You can guarantee men are still looking at you, its probably that the men doing the looking are of the 'younger' variety.
      The more that you try to see men looking at you the more depressed you will get. We men these days have to be discreet as to looking at women as sometimes it can get us in a lot of trouble. (They will be looking, men can't help it!)
      Your life is definitely NOT over, its only just beginning.

      Don't worry or obsess about that dude you dated 12 years ago, get out and enjoy life with your husband and child.

      Life is for living, live it long, and enjoy every minute of it!

      PS I/we also have a 18 month old toddler!

  17. QUESTION:
    what's the most irritating problem that can occur in one's life (sense of humor required)?
    Aside from venerial disease I want to know what is the hardest thing for people to deal with. Is it worse to have your baby mama tell you it ain't your baby or to tell your baby mama that she also your baby aunt cause you got her sis pregnant too?
    And ladies have you had that moment yet where you wake up and you look at yourself in the mirror and your body is tired and flat and you miss the days when you could use your body to fix a flat tire instead?
    What about the mid life crisis that people go through? I know someone that was married and had no kids and she had a midlife crisis, left her husband, sold half their stuff and moved 1000 miles away to hang out with people that she met on xbox live (in her defense she did go on vacation to meet them about a month before she moved there), how crazy is that? What is the craziest mid-life crisis you have ever heard of?
    For the teenagers, how bad does it suck when you are being dumped on by like everyone in school and it's your junior year, you can't fit into your prom dress and people see your face and ask if it's delivery or Digiorno? Don't you want to seriously just go out with some salt rock and write profanities all over the grass (the grass will die in a day or so and take quite some time to fix if done properly lol by which I mean EVERYWHERE) or take your neighbors cow to school and lead it to the second floor (cows can go up stairs and not down, one of my friends did this at his school and they had to hire a crane thingy to get the cow out)?
    So tell me, what bugs you the most about life?

    • ANSWER:
      Belief in a religion, gods, and demons is the most irritating problem that can occur in one's life along. It is the biggest joke on Earth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOfjkl-3SNE

  18. QUESTION:
    Coping with Husbands affair?
    been married 22 yrs, and although he is a text book control freak, and has serious anxiety issues, I stayed with him and love him, feeling that his issues were an illness, and I married him for better or worse. Well, he decided 4 months ago to trade me in for a co-worker, in a whirlwind affair. Did not confess, but was caught by our daughter. Now he says he wants to stay married, that he did not love her, yet his actions clearly say otherwise. he keeps playing all these sad songs about new love that didn't last. Sounds to me like he is morning her? If he really wanted to be with me and our family, why would he do such a thing. It's like pouring salt in my gaping wound every time he plays these songs. I would think he'd be trying to plaing OUR favorite songs. I fell like I'm dealing with a control freak in midlife crisis, who is pining for his lover. And I feel like damaged goods. I know his anxiety, anger and control freak ways are what lead him to feeling so unfulfilled in our marriage, but I have talked to him about these issues so many times, suggested counseling, and instead he says he wanted to punish me by having the affair?
    Thanks everyone for your replies. We did start counseling last week, and both counselors pummeled him for three hours. He admitted that I had suggested and wanted counseling, but he chose to go his own way. I have dealt with his anxiety, negativity and control issues because I attributed them to an illness, and just like any other illness, I didn't want to leave him due to THIS illness. I have bent over backwards to try to find things to make him happy, I have painted and repainted walls in our house, hoping the new color would put him in a better mood. He has been a great provider, but a very selfish, mean and angry person for too many years. I don't know what I can change to make him see his life with me any different. And I think I'm holding out a silly hope that someone like him will change.

    • ANSWER:

  19. QUESTION:
    I'm angry, but I want my best friend back (extremely long explanation)?
    This explanation is going to be extremely long. I apologize for this, but the whole story is needed for readers to fully understand my plight. You do not have to read this, but if you do not, I ask that you do not answer. To those who read and answer, I thank you for your advice. I have no one else to turn to.

    My best friend (we'll call her Jane) and I met when we were 8 years old. She was my only friend, and I was her only friend, until Jr. High when we finally started meeting other people. We remained best friends all throughout high school. Jane was always the innocent, sweet, intelligent girl who never got into trouble and was always by your side. She knew how to solve every problem, and was always neutral in a conflict.

    When she was 18, however, her parents made the worst mistake parents could ever make. It was already known that Jane was born out of wedlock, and that her parents married quickly after discovering that they were with child to please their parents. This didn't bother Jane at all. But on her 18th birthday, her parents told her that the only reason they even stayed together all those years was because of her. They told her that they didn't even love each other and were unhappy in their marriage.

    Jane snapped. She seems to be convinced that her parents don't love her, even though that isn't true. I tried to console her, and tell her that even though her parents don't love each other, it doesn't mean they love her any less. But she talks about how much her family fights, and all the problems they are having. Her mother is having a midlife crisis and spends nearly every night out drinking, trying to be young again. Her father seems to be bipolar, and has severe trust issues with his wife.

    Her parents decided to get a divorce. Jane was still convinced they didn't love her, and she tried to fill the emptiness in her life by going to MySpace and other social networking sites and finding random men that lived in the area. The men she found were usually in their mid twenties, living with their parents (in the hood, mind you), having never gone to college, and jobless. At first she was just going from bad boyfriend to bad boyfriend but then just started flat-out sleeping around. She got drunk a lot, too, and often used it as an excuse. I know that she just wanted to feel loved by someone, but she was going to get hurt! I confronted her numerous times about her dangerous lifestyle, but every time she lashed out at me. We fought a lot from that time on.

    Eventually, I decided that in order to keep my friend, I would have to deal with her lifestyle, even though I didn't approve of it. But there was one thing I couldn't deal with. Jane will always put men first in her life. She had no time for her friends. She completely forgot about us. She wouldn't give us the time of day unless we were a man she could sleep with. She completely stopped hanging out with other females and put all of her energy into her boyfriends. I tried to tell her that I felt as though she didn't care about her friends, and hated that she never wanted to spend time with me. Her excuse was, her boyfriend is her future husband, which counts as family, and family comes first. I was furious. I told her that I was done; that if she wasn't going to put any energy into our friendship, than neither would I. We didn't speak for almost a year.

    When we started talking again, she promised that she had changed. We spent some time together. She hasn't really changed a thing about her lifestyle. She has a boyfriend that she's been with for over 6 months, but she's cheated on him multiple times. She still gets drunk a lot. They have a lot of problems. Since her phone broke, he gave me his number in case I wanted to talk to her. This was a mistake -- he constantly texted me, asking me for sex. I didn't have the heart to show her these messages, but I feel like I should have. I don't know if I still should or not. More importantly though, Jane still doesn't pay attention to her friends. She never had time to hang out with me. She only had time for her boyfriend. I confronted her again on this, and she told me that I was being selfish. Once again, I got angry with her, and told her the same thing I told her a year ago.

    One night, Jane's boyfriend texted me, telling me that he had lost his job and that he and Jane were suffering, financially. I tried my best to give him advice, but for some reason this only made him angry. I'm a very well-off person. My family has plenty of money to get by. We live comfortably, and have never struggled to pay for something that we need. Neither me or my little sister have ever had to work because our parents believe that our only job is to focus on our education, so they pay for everything we need. But Jane's boyfriend accused my family of not working ha
    hard, that they pay taxes for "kids like us," and that our family may be rich in money, but not "rich in love." I told him that he had crossed the line, and that I was only trying to help him. He called me a slut, a bipolar *****, a fat whore, and numerous other things. This really upset me, and I decided that Jane needed to know about it.

    I told her what he said, but he of course told her that I had slandered her. He fed her lie after lie, and she ate it up. She believed every word he said, and did not believe anything her ten-year best friend was telling her through tears. I was so hurt that I decided I was done, once more. I haven't spoken to either of them since.

    I'm still very angry, but I care very much about Jane. She's ruining her life, she's hurting herself and other people, and I just want to go back to the way things used to be. Is there any hope for that? Is this partially or completely my fault? Will I ever have my best friend back?

    • ANSWER:
      I'm really sorry to hear about your best friend.

      Basically, all I can suggest you do is end that friendship (if you haven't already) and move on with your life. If this guy keeps contacting you, get him blocked by your phone company.

      My family and I have always been wealthy, and when my friends are in need, they come to me. However, A. This really isn't a friend anymore and B. once they start getting money from you, they will get comfortable and try to live off of you, like you are their unemployment check.

      Now, if you still care a lot about your best friend and want to help her, I suggest you do the following:

      Meet up with her for lunch or something and tell her what you are seeing and what you can do. All you can really do is help her get professional help, like a psychologist. Tell her that she needs to leave him in order for you to help her. Again, this is only if you REALLY want to help her. I'm sure you realize that she's in a lot of trouble and with some counseling, she can start on a better path.

      Get her the help she needs and stand by her side. Be that friend that she needs.

      Otherwise, just let it all go, and do as I mentioned above (about her bf).

      Good luck to ya!

  20. QUESTION:
    TTC and and my Mother is very anti-me-having-kids...?
    First of all let me say that my mom has NO IDEA my husband and I are currently ttc.

    We have been trying for about the past 6 months with no luck. I am 25 years old and have been married for almost two years.

    My mom is in general a very self centered person, and very concerned with what others think of her. I think she is going through some sort of midlife crisis as well as being a probable alcoholic. She obsesses over the other women in town, what they wear, what they drive, where they live. She herself lives in a very comfortable house and has a very nice life. She has nothing to worry about, and she is very pretty.

    This being said about her, it only makes sense that nothing myself, my siblings, or my dad does is ever right. She is never satisfied with what we're doing. My mom even discouraged me from going to college because "we can't afford it (NOT TRUE), it's far away, and it will be a lot of work". I didn't take her advice but this gives an accurate picture of things she does.

    She even told my little brother that "the economy is bad, so going to college won't help you find a job-- they'll all be taken". He is 15 years old. I couldn't believe she said that.

    I know she doesn't want me to have a baby, although my husband and I are completely ready for one. Yesterday at Easter dinner, my stepsister, who I don't see very often commented that she liked my car. I said thank you and she said "It would look even cuter with a car seat in it", which I thought was a really sweet thing to say. She then asked me if I was thinking of having kids soon and my mom butted in and said "THAT WOULD BE THE WORST THING FOR HER". I was flabbergasted and told my step sister later that I would welcome a child any time.

    I was embarrassed that she would say something like that, but also very hurt that she wouldn't even want a grand child of her own. She has step grand kids and dotes on them, carries the baby around and plays with them. I am not sure why she feels this way about ME having kids.

    I have only told one person (my sister) that I am trying to get preganant. She is very supportive of me, but I still feel so hurt that my mom doesn't even welcome the thought.

    How can I deal with her (I know there are deeper issues, but those are a process)? I feel like if and when I do get pregnant, I will be a big burden and embarrassment for her.

    Thank you.

    • ANSWER:

  21. QUESTION:
    How do I deal with the pressure to want a baby?
    My husband wants one. I'm 44 and I just feel like my clock has run out. I don't really want to go through parenting for the first time at this point. He says he always wanted kids and would be a good father. But he is going through a huge emotional (midlife) crisis and has started seeing a counselor. We have been married 4 years. At first he said he understood even though he was disappointed that he couldn't have kids. He knew my position before we got married. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Now he says he hoped I would change my mind and it is errupting again. I'm terrified that he'll call it quits. We still haven't learned to communicate and he yells at me all the time not just about this. I love him a lot but every sane bone in my body tells me I'd be nuts... if it were even possible... to try to have a baby now. I struggle daily with the idea that I'm not "normal" and there's something really wrong with me. I didn't ask to be married at 40 instead of 30-something.

    • ANSWER:
      He is wrong for asking you to change after marrying you. That is not fair. Children are not a guarantee. Lets say you try and you can't get pregnant. Will he leave you then? Will he push you into adopting? Go through the scenarios with him. Let him know what you are willing to try and what you are not willing to try. It is your body and having a baby at 44 is risky. I had my first at 34 and I'm about to be 37 and really weighting it heavily if I want a 2nd.

      It is very hard. Any time you have together is gone for years. No more traveling, no more movies and dates, no more last minute anything.


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Midlife Crisis Support Group

Posted on October 31, 2011 by

I had a conversation with a friend last night. She was talking about the fact that her kids were growing up, at school, moving on; about how she'd been considering what, if anything, to do next with her career; about... well, about how she felt a little lost.

'I'm happy at the moment, happier than I've ever been. But, I don't know, looking forward... what's ahead just doesn't have the same thrilling feeling as what's happened in the past.'

She's right. The first half of life seems to be all about discovery. Everything is new. School, making friends, college, university, sex, drugs, travel, the first job, that initial spurt up the career ladder, meeting a partner, buying a house, maybe getting married, having children... it's an adventure, something different round every corner.

Of course, she was looking forward to her children growing up, to seeing what kind of people they will become. And she was looking forward, too, to the developments in her relationship with her husband, over time. But she was also looking ahead to 'a whole range of things to worry about.' Her parents' health, the inevitable challenges her children would face as they got older, possible health problems for herself and her husband, the long road to paying off the mortgage, getting together enough money to retire... and maybe, a feeling that 'bloody hell, life is over in a second really, isn't it? I mean I'm half way through already and what's gone has happened in the blink of an eye.' So, although she didn't say it, perhaps death too. At middle age, you begin to lose the feeling of immortality that came with youth.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Is there a support group for women in their 40's?
    midlife crisis compare

    • ANSWER:
      Watch The View

  2. QUESTION:
    i am looking for a support group for divorced or seperated women!! help.?
    I have been married for 28 years... and was in total love for 21 of those years then he went nuts and had a major midlife crisis that is getting worse and is going on 6 years.. i am still attractive , youung , fun and need help and support from other women(only!!!) to get me through this.. Kimmy

    • ANSWER:
      if you are still married... and living together......

      then most separated and divorced groups will not take you....... they are for separated and divorced people.

      try contacting the Catholic Church nearest you... and see what advice they can give.

  3. QUESTION:
    What to do when someone else's therapy is driving you to need therapy?
    At the beginning of this year my mom checked herself into some "programs", one was called a "Serenity" program, and I don't know what the others are except for Al-Anon.

    My dad drank a long time ago but hasn't touched alcohol in probably 17 years or so. At the time he was drinking it caused a lot of problems. These days, he is a decent hardworking man and a good father/grandfather but he is also hard to live with as I can plainly see. He's antisocial, doesn't want to go out. Doesn't want my mom to go out either. Him and my mom have a lot of issues that probably go even deeper than that. My mom is getting help, my dad won't/doesn't believe he has a problem. I think my dad just thinks my mom is having a midlife crisis and is simply waiting for her to be finished "going crazy" and for life to resume back to normal.

    Anyway I feel like my mom's therapy/group meetings are driving me mad because it has totally consumed her. It is all she talks about. She is either complaining about my dad (with good reason, but still..) or she's going to meetings or she's talking about her sessions. And I think the problem I have is that I don't 100% agree with everything her therapist/the al-anon group is teaching her. Maybe I just don't understand it. I mean... I'm glad she's doing something that is making her feel better but it's almost feeling like it's the scene from the beginning of Fight Club, where they're going to all these support group meetings for things they don't actually have, just because they need to go.

    The fact that my parents are probably going to separate was already enough to send me spiraling into a deep depression this year (I took it hard) but on top of it I have to be supportive of my mom who cannot visit me or have a phone conversation with me without bringing up something my dad did to make her upset recently and/or a whole bunch of stuff about her therapy/support groups - WHICH SHE WON'T EVEN TELL ME ABOUT, she won't tell me where these groups are or where she is staying when she's not at home because these support groups are like shelters and the women aren't supposed to tell anyone where they are. It's all so effing weird. She won't tell me where/what they are but she'll talk about them nonstop (telling me everything she's learning and what her counselor is telling her, etc) it's maddening. She has all these new friends she is always staying with and telling me about, I have never met these women, they are all people from her "groups". It's all so weird to me, so disorienting. My mother was always like a rock to me, a dependable person, even when I lived in another country for a few years I always knew where my mom was and could reach her by phone in ten seconds and nowadays I don't even know who's couch she's sleeping on and her cell phone is never in service.

    To top it all off, my aunt just wrote me an email asking me for my opinion about a letter she is going to write to my mom, and it's all just a bunch more drama about everything that's going on. I am sucked further and further into my parents problems every day.

    • ANSWER:
      Please watch the documentary called _The Secret_ (2006). Here's a description:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Secret_(2006_film)


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Midlife Crisis Career Change

Posted on October 31, 2011 by

Change your career? In midlife? One catalyst of midlife crisis is a life not truly aligned with your present shifting values. You no longer find fulfillment in the same things you did when you were younger because your values may have shifted and this disconnection contributes to a sense of midlife crisis.

In midlife you may begin to feel bored with your job and start to think about making a career change. You may also notice yourself feeling irritable, frustrated and even depressed in your current job. These negative feelings may be a result of thinking about what you have given up by pursuing your current career. You may start remembering the dreams you have left behind.

So now what do you do? Should you change careers?

Two Exercises to Help you with your Decision:

1. The following five questions are based on a model created by Linda and Sandra Perosa. Ask your self these questions:
What would it mean for me if I did not make a change?
Are there serious risks if I do change?
Am I being realistic to hope to find a better solution?
Is there adequate time to search and implement a change?

Take some time to consider the above questions and write your answers in a journal. It may help you to get your thoughts down on paper so you can thoroughly address each issue.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    what can a fashion designer do in a midlife crisis. Wants a career change but doesn't have other skills?
    At 39 i have been in this business for 12 years now. i am in full time employment with a high profile fashion brand. But i can no longer stand the enviroment, the cut throat competition and am beginning to feel too old for this. But I don't know how to do anything else!

    • ANSWER:
      take a break .. to get your ideas together.
      you sound stressed out

      :)

      I hope it turns out well for you.

  2. QUESTION:
    Is this a midlife crisis or something different?
    I know if it is, I hit it young, but...

    Started smoking pot at 28 again to remember old times (I stopped now)

    I also did a major career change at 28 to something I liked more.

    Started last year with a sudden panic attack about turning 30, it hit like lighting.

    Worried about my parents getting old

    Worried about getting old myself. Not the sex part, but about growing old and dying in general.

    Sudden hyperawareness of my own mortality.

    Anxiety about death and what comes after (If there is an after)

    Constantly reflecting on my life to this point.

    A feeling of pointlessness. (Is there God? And if there is a God, why does he exist? Why do we exist? Is there a point to all of this? Is life just some random function of the Universe?)

    A general feeling of constant low grade anxiety thet gets bad every now and then. Feelings of depersonalization, feeling unreal ( I noticed this when I get stressed out since I was young)

    Life all of a sudden seems really short

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think you've been going through a premature mid-life crisis. I think you've been going through reaching maturity and the associated dissatisfactions/depression/fear that can occur when you reach maturity and really start to think about how short life is and/or about the fact that things aren't the way you'd like them to be.

      You're also, however, probably going through some of the things that are associated with youthfulness and a certain level of immaturity that comes when people haven't yet come around to some version of peace with their spiritual life, place in the universe, etc.

      What you describe does, though, sound to me like maybe you would benefit by talking to a professional about the anxiety and panic attacks. Neither of those is what are supposed to be going. People who are depressed can have anxiety, so you really ought to talk to a professional to find out if your anxiety comes from something like depression.

      People with depression also may think about death or feeling like they're dying more than non-depressed people.

      Just some advice: These days more and more people live to be 100. If you assume that 100 years is what people are supposed to live (if they live a healthy life and aren't stricken with any catastrophic illness) then 50 would be the middle-age point. If you think that way you'll realize you have 20 more years of being young and shouldn't be thinking about your mortality at this point.

      Something to realize is that a person's bones aren't fully mature until about 25, and a person's brain may not be fully mature until early- to mid- twenties. In other words, you've only been fully mature for about five years at this point. If you see the first 25 years of life as growing up, the second as being a young adult, the third as being middle-age, and whatever comes after that as elderly, you may realize how young you are.

      I'm obviously not qualified to "diagnose" what you're going through, but I tend to think it isn't a premature middle-age crisis and is, instead something a professional may be able to help you with.

  3. QUESTION:
    how to become a school teacher?
    I having a midlife crisis and want a career change to teaching in elementary school.

    I have a BS in biology. What more do I need to apply for the job?

    • ANSWER:
      Getting a teaching certificate is reasonably straightforward.

      If you want to get up the ladder a bit, seek out a path that will get you an education masters degree. My wife teaches such a course through Oregon State University.

      If you want to benefit from lots of government goodies, go and work in the boonies where the results are dreadful and sign onto every state and federal research program, MSP and other handout. You'll be doing a good thing for the place you're in, the housing is cheaper and you'll be fixing problems.

  4. QUESTION:
    Have you been through a midlife crisis?
    If so, how did you weather it and how did things end up? What hope can you offer?

    My husband and I are on the younger side of midlife and are approaching forty. Our life is objectively "good" but not necessarily where we wanted to "end up" for example if it were another rung on the ladder of life it wouldn't be so scary. We are both feeling that "is this it? Is this all there is? Is this as good as it is going to get?" with respect to our lives. It isn't that we aren't grateful for what we have, etc. and it isn't that we don't feel love and happiness toward certain people like our little son. It is just that we feel like we just can't fit anything else in and we are immobilized from really taking anything else on that would be of interest. Feeling like it is too late to change careers (and we are strapped because of the economy) and really feeling trapped.

    Anyhow, I'm not sure if this makes sense. If it does maybe someone could offer some advice.
    This is psych not religion.
    Can someone give me some advice or their "story" other than go to church???? These are not "god shaped holes" and I am not an idiot.
    I feel incomplete because I don't like my career path but with bills, a child and living in a city that doesn't offer things I would like to do and not being able to move b/c of the housing market and by the time these circumstances change I am afraid I will be out of time and out of luck to make a significant change.
    Okay, apparently everyone wants me to go to church. Not quite what I envisioned when writing this question. Any one of us can look at someone who has it worse and say "I have it better". I never said that I don't feel grateful or thank god for what I DO have. I look at my son and feel joy, I look at my dogs and feel love. I just look at my career and MY life (outside of those in it) and feel very unfulfilled and feel like "I" don't exist anymore - my hopes and dreams that were personal not just family related. The vision that I had for myself and who I am independent of others. This has nothing to do with going to church or feeling grateful for what I DO have. I absolutely feel for people who have gone through hell. Trust me, so have I at times. I have gone through a lot and come out the other side with "good" things in my life. I just wonder where did "I" go. This is where the midlife crisis idea comes up for me. I just had a baby and I am in my late thirties too.
    I don't go to church because the people who have betrayed me most in my life and have been the worst in character have been heavily involved in church. I believe in God absolutely and am spiritual but I cannot STAND church.

    Otherwise I found Aqua's comments helpful.

    • ANSWER:
      You have a long way to go in life, and there will be so many twists and turns. Anything is possible. The economy is tough right now, but switching careers might not be a bad thing or impossible. Everyone has room in their budget. I switched careers about 7 years ago. It's a tougher job but I'm making more money now. The good thing is, I know I can find a job in my previous career if needed.

      I would say you should find what you want and work with your husband to get it done. Otherwise you will probably crack and abandon your life all together in one form or another. If you're completely miserable and dwelling on "what if?" I don't think that would be any good for you, your husband, or your son.

      You have to take care of yourself first, your marriage second, and your children third. If you fall apart, your marriage and parenting will follow. If your marriage falls apart, your son will not get the parenting he would get otherwise. Find what you want or need to be fulfilled and work with your husband to get it.

      If you just had your child, do you think you could be suffering from postpartum depression? You might want to see someone about that, from what I understand it can be extremely difficult to handle without help.

      Also, going to church could help too. I know you've shot this option down already, but if you really want to change, you have to do something different than you're doing now. If you are in a spot in life that you don't like, you must be open to all options others suggest, or it's pointless to ask for help. Many churches provide opportunities for volunteering and helping others, which can provide a way for you to feel like you're making a difference in the world. Also, churches can provide excellent networking opportunities for those looking to change careers or find activities to enjoy and the people to enjoy them with and friends, support groups, etc... I know you've shot this option down already, but if you really want to change, you have to do something different than you're doing now. Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing the exact same way and expecting different results.

      I hope I have helped you even a little. Good luck.

  5. QUESTION:
    When men emotionally cheat, does their behavior in the marriage start to change?
    He says he's going through a midlife crisis and has been reading this young woman's blog every day who he says is "just checking up on an ex-student" but........

    And the girl's political views are the exact opposite of mine and my career.

    • ANSWER:
      Yes. Suddenly checking the computer or cell phone for email and texts becomes much more important than talking to their wives.

  6. QUESTION:
    Please help me make an important educational and / or career decision?
    I have a bachelors of science degree and over 10 years of work experience, but I hated that field so i quit for a career change. I am back in college to get a new bachelors degree in a totally different field. But i feel like i'm wasting a lot of money for no reason other than I was having a midlife crisis or something. (actually i'm in my mid-30s now). Should I keep going with this degree and go 30,000 dollars in debt or should i drop out of college and get a job in this wierd, scary economic time.? I already owe like 10,000 dollars in student loans and will have to start paying them off in 6 months. I dont have a job now, except selling stuff on ebay for spending money.
    Thanks

    • ANSWER:

      I would have to know what your other degree was in and your job prospects. I can tell you this - if you can land a job with a company you may get more opportunities to move around.

      The job I have today in no way resembles what I went to college to "be".

  7. QUESTION:
    Dealing with midlife crisis?
    My husband of 20 years left our 14 yo daughter and me about three months ago. He reasons included things like "I'm loving you less," and "You've changed in ways I don't like," though he couldn't elaborate on that. He's not sure if he wants a divorce, but wants time and space and has asked me to be understanding. He still pays the bills and does maintenance around the house. He's spending more time with our daughter now than he ever did when he lived with us, though I am the one who sets it up. I am absolutely sure he is not involved with anyone else.

    I believe he is going through a midlife crisis. He is approaching 60, and has lived past the age of his father when his father died. He feels he doesn't have much longer to live, maybe 15 years, and wants to spend that time being single and independent. He's unhappy in his job (he's not currently working in his career field), feels unappreciated and underpaid there, and has been unsuccessful in finding another. Paying for two households is extremely difficult financially, but he isn't willing to sell his summer sports car, even though he could drive his winter car all year long.

    My question is: what things should I do or not do? I am trying to be understanding and supportive, but I don't have a clue as to what would be helpful to him, and what would put our marriage more at risk. I'd appreciate honest thoughtful answers from people who've been there.

    • ANSWER:
      60 is a mid-life crisis if the expectancy is to live on to be 120. LOL. you just stated all the reasons why. mid-life is in the 40's. his is an end of life evaluation and for what you are posting here, the picture he is seeing is not good. he is trying to hold on for dear life to those logs that pass him by that might keep his head above water on that ocean of turmoil that his life has become. im sure that when he saw himself reaching that age this wasnt the picture he had in mind that his life was going to become. he is trying to make some sense of what it all means, if actually life passed him by.

      read articles about developmental psychology, the late adult stage. you might get to understand the situation better and be in a spot that you can handle it and help. good luck to you.

  8. QUESTION:
    Regarding career 35... and confused/lost?
    Well, i just turned 35 in september. More and more at work as a security guard i keep getting in trouble for always being on the internet on my cell phone, or on my laptop. I just can't handle the mind numbing boringness of it, i'm about to go in today for my 2nd write up for using my laptop at a job site. I grew up right when the high speed internet boom started, i also do a ebay business on the side that makes good profits.But, i'd never just do that as it's job security can go quick with how ebay is changing and paypal freezing money etc...

    I would say i am very computer literate, Last year i put together my first system with some research online, i love sitting in front of a computer, but more about that is.I love doing my own thing on the computer of course, i could sit for hours and not even realize the time that goes by. So the question then becomes, obviously i love computers.I should probably take a career in that. I've thought about that off and on for years now. I may be computer literate but i couldn't tell you how to network a computer etc.. So while tech support would be an interest, the problem is.. i'm a hands on guy, i'd rather fix your problem then tell you how to fix it. Because, it annoys me and i want to do it myself instead of trying to tell you how to do it. And then... Are the vocational year schools that they offer worth it? Are just really prepping you for ceritifications? Are the vocational schools churning out people in 5-10 years making 20$ an hour? I make .25-.35 now. If i put effort into a career, i want to at least eventually make 40-50k a year MINNIUM.

    I really have no idea what i want to do with my life, maybe it's midlife crisis time or something?

    • ANSWER:
      Well I suppose you could use the time you sit in front of the computer exploring computer related careers. I have met a lot of people who do well with a side business designing blogs or web pages. There are a lot of things you can do with a little knowledge and maybe a few classes under your belt. You may not even need a full college program just pick a focus area and look for some classes.

      That said I don't think your problem would be the skills or knowledge, you would need to learn to manage your computer time. You would have to learn to focus on the job at hand. That is very likely something you will have to work on in whatever path you choose.

      Why do you even bring you laptop to work if you are not allowed to use it? If you job is too boring I suggest you find something else to do before you get fired. Find a job that keeps you busy and away from your computer until you figure out what you really want to do.

  9. QUESTION:
    How can I stop myself from cheating? Is there a way I should adopt to change my mentality about life?
    As of now I've been bless that I am tall, great career, got a good job, money, and not a bad looking one. I grew up in poverty, I was raised in a very harsh environment surrounded by violence and misfortunes. I didn't know none of these until I got older, build my career and got engaged.

    But it seems like what I have missed and I couldn't do in my teens and early 20's I've been trying to make it up now that i have the looks, the money, the career, and the confidence. But the problem is I am engaged and from 27 -31 years old, I have had 9 affairs with different types of women, white, Hispanics, and Non Filipino Asian women. 4 of them could be measured as a relationship type while 5 of them were simply flings but I was able to sleep with those 5. But in a 4 year span I've cheated on my fiancé 9 times with 9 different women.

    I am Filipino but I don't know why I don't like to date Filipino women. Maybe because I think it's easier to stay with your own race so I prefer to be challenged. But I am not the same poor person, who grew up in violence, poverty, broken family, and depression, now I have a great career and a beautiful woman I am engaged with. But i don't understand why I can't stop cheating! Any suggestions? Is this a midlife crisis even though I am only 31?

    • ANSWER:
      Break the engagement, then you are no longer cheating. You are either not ready to be in a committed relationship, or the woman to whom you are committed is not the one for you.

  10. QUESTION:
    What did you do for yourself after your divorce?
    A lot of people struggle with their image or self esteem after a divorce. Some feel independent and liberated once they are free of an unhappy marriage.

    I've heard of boob jobs, lypo, face lifts, serious fitness kicks etc. Career changes, going back to school, that vacation you always wanted, midlife crisis car, new house...

    What did you do for yourself after your divorce? Or what would you do?

    My divorce present to myself was a very expensive, kick-azz cappacino maker and braces. Eventually I bought a new house and car. None of it really matters...except the coffee maker :)
    Zinger2: thanks for the confidence. No, I scored pretty much nothing. And I pretty much left everything behind.
    I MADE enough money to qualify for a mortgage and a new car loan (and we're talking a modest house and a Camry, not a mansion and a Mercedes).

    In fact, once I stopped dumping all my hard-earned cash straight into my ex's bank account I was amazed what I could afford on my own.

    • ANSWER:
      Oh! Ms. Lee, I take it that your looking for a new cowboy to fill those lonely nights? Although I have never been married, I think I have the possibility of serving your needs very well. Plus, you will not have any bad habits to change, since I have never been exposed to any marriages, other than the occasional married woman that just want to go for a ride on my horse. But, you wouldn't hold that against me would you?

  11. QUESTION:
    I am turning 30 in a week!!!!! Why does it feel so scary?
    Ok, I have always been confident about my age... I look younger than most of my friends, I hang out with 20-something people... I am happily married. Until now. I am a week from my big 3-0. I am close to panic. No big career (just a job), no kids, and feeling soooo not ready for an adulthood!!!!!!!! Should I change my life rapidly (change a job, get a science degree or start my own business--- inject hormones---- get fat and then pregnant if I am lucky)---i.e. achieve goals of so-called "real life" ------or maybe I am still too immature for that and should wait another 2-3-5-10 years to get a grown-up life? What if I'll never be ready? Share your own experience of a midlife crisis at 30..everyone... please! Especially women...How do/did you deal with it?

    • ANSWER:
      Hi Nice,
      I have 12 years on you. Thirty was MUCH harder then turning fourty. I had many of the same fears. sometimes still do.
      I think you hit on something though, maybe somewhere deep down you have a nagging feeling you should be doing more with your life by now.

      You are having a time in life meant to sit back, evaluate and decide what direction you want to go. Set some goals and start to work towards them (this also has the WONDERFUL side effect of great self-esteem as you move closer to your goal).

      You've been a real adult since 18, maybe it has been a nagging subconcious thought for a while that by 30 you should be doing "XYZ". AT 42,. I don't feel that much older than at 22, but a hell of a lot wiser. I can personally thank Laura's School of Hard Knocks and Slower Learning for that.

      What I did in my 30's? I started them like you...wondering if I should do more. A financial set-back due to divorce convinced me to go to school (I did it!) and secure a better job.

      The high anxiety leaves just like it came on...about a week after the birthday. Still, this is a great opportunity for growth and change. You can play the "when I grow up" game and pick one option and do it.

      Good Luck!

  12. QUESTION:
    College Sophomore and Still a Virgin?
    I am an 18 year old straight male, and going to be a college sophomore in a month. I had always been a stellar student, preferring future career preparation over participating in the social scene. And I did not think I needed to have sex just because everyone else was doing it. So I never particularly cared about trying to develop the social skills necessary to get girls to bed. Most of my friends have been guys. I remained shy, but happy with how things were going.

    However, over the last few weeks, I have been suddenly feeling tremendous urge inside my head to get laid, to lose my virginity. Its driving me crazy and I'm having boneheaded ideas that I never previously thought of. Although I am very friendly, I am not a natural "player" either - just below average height with decent looks ............. I think I lack the confidence to ask a girl out. I have never felt so depressed and worthless before. Can anyone help me out by giving some advice ?

    I think it will be worth noting that I immigrated to USA from a conservative south asian country 4 years ago. And despite my comparatively liberal upbringing, it was nonetheless a drastic cultural and lifestyle change, and my old friend circle was totally gone. I am in a midlife crisis at age 18 hahaha.

    • ANSWER:
      Find yourself an escort service and get some practice in;)

  13. QUESTION:
    relationship causing serious neurosis - has anyone else had these issues and what to do?
    i am 34 (female) and have been seeing someone a 4 years younger than me. Relatively speaking he looks older than me, and i am at least as good if not better looking than him. i am really nice to him and don't ask for a thing. i do whatever i can to be a good girlfriend - am considerate and try to be respectful.

    yet, he makes sh*tty little comments about the age difference once in a while and the way i look all the time - apparently i would be perfect if i lost 10 pounds (this among many other criticisms). as a side note, i'm really not overweight by rational standards -i wear a size 8 and honestly, am what i am and what i have been since he met me. this would be about me being more "perfect" FOR HIM. I NEVER make nasty little comments about how he should lose 10 pounds or do something about hair loss, becuase it is unkind and if i care for someone, it really isn't that important.

    he seems to like older women (based on who he's been involved with in the past). his standards were never that high before in terms of physical appearance at all. i rarely if ever hear a kind word or compliment from him, nor an apology no matter if he is wrong or not.

    recently, as a result of this criticism and also of some other factors (a false cancer scare), i have become obsessed about getting old, dying, gaining weight, cancer, etc... and just finding all kinds of things wrong with myself. i mean really obsessed. never in my life have i been insecure. i was always focused on being successful and now that i am done with my education and have a great career, i want my personal life in order too. yet, these are things he also criticizes- that i cared too much about my career in the past and did not focus on having a family (it's true, but my parents have been gone since i was 25 and someone had to pay the bills.)

    over the year we have been together i have become completely unhappy with who i am, and in terms of things i can't really change. i don''t need to lose weight, just maintain it, and really am unwilling to get botox or plastic surgery - i don't think i need it. i worked hard to get where i am and objectively, i'm not going to win any awards, but i'm pretty decent in many ways. i don't actually think i'm old or fat or unattractive. i've never had a problem finding a guy, but until now, my live never was so focused on a guy. i'm just getting obsessed with these negative thoughts to where it's affecting my work -depressed all the time, not eating, working out too much, completely fixating on age. has this happened to anyone else?

    what is wrong with me -is it some sort of midlife crisis?? how can a relationship cause so much insecurity? is this normal? should i just get out of the relationship? yes, i know it is stupid. any advice would be appreciated.

    (i posted this in a different form previously but did not explain some things well, so i modified it.)

    • ANSWER:
      This guy is dragging you down. You need and deserve someone that can treat you with respect. If you were happy with yourself before you hooked up with this guy, I'd unhook real quick.

  14. QUESTION:
    relationship causing serious neurosis?
    i am 34 (female) and have been seeing someone a 4 years younger than me. Relatively speaking he looks older than me, and i am at least as good if not better looking than him. i am really nice to him and don't ask for a thing. i do whatever i can to be a good girlfriend - am considerate and try to be respectful.

    yet, he makes sh*tty little comments about the age difference once in a while and the way i look all the time - apparently i would be perfect if i lost 10 pounds (this among many other criticisms). as a side note, i'm really not overweight by rational standards -i wear a size 8 and honestly, am what i am and what i have been since he met me. this would be about me being more "perfect" FOR HIM. I NEVER make nasty little comments about how he should lose 10 pounds or do something about hair loss, becuase it is unkind and if i care for someone, it really isn't that important.

    he seems to like older women (based on who he's been involved with in the past). his standards were never that high before in terms of physical appearance at all. i rarely if ever hear a kind word or compliment from him, nor an apology no matter if he is wrong or not.

    recently, as a result of this criticism and also of some other factors (a false cancer scare), i have become obsessed about getting old, dying, gaining weight, cancer, etc... and just finding all kinds of things wrong with myself. i mean really obsessed. never in my life have i been insecure. i was always focused on being successful and now that i am done with my education and have a great career, i want my personal life in order too. yet, these are things he also criticizes- that i cared too much about my career in the past and did not focus on having a family (it's true, but my parents have been gone since i was 25 and someone had to pay the bills.)

    over the year we have been together i have become completely unhappy with who i am, and in terms of things i can't really change. i don''t need to lose weight, just maintain it, and really am unwilling to get botox or plastic surgery - i don't think i need it. i worked hard to get where i am and objectively, i'm not going to win any awards, but i'm pretty decent in many ways. i don't actually think i'm old or fat or unattractive. i've never had a problem finding a guy, but until now, my live never was so focused on a guy. i'm just getting obsessed with these negative thoughts to where it's affecting my work -depressed all the time, not eating, working out too much, completely fixating on age. has this happened to anyone else?

    what is wrong with me -is it some sort of midlife crisis?? how can a relationship cause so much insecurity? is this normal? what should i do? i tried to talk to a couple of therapists, but i don't get anyhwere with it. yes, i know it is stupid. any advice would be appreciated.

    (i posted this in a different form but also think it needs to be in mental health - sorry about that.)
    just to point out - i really don't think it is HIM per se. the reason i posted this in mental health is that I am the one getting consumed with anxiety and depression - what he said just triggered it. yes, he sucks - but now that it started, and i was forced into the realization of being "old" and confronted with mortality etc, i keep fixating. even if i get rid of him, i'm still a total neurotic basket case. does everyone reach some age where they go thru this???

    • ANSWER:
      I think you have to break up with this guy he obviously isn't treating you right. You should not listen to this guy he probably feels like crap about himself and is just putting his problems onto you. He criticizes you for everything and is lowering your self-esteem. Is this your whole relationship? Being put down for no reason..why is it needed. I really think you need to break it off. He is making you obsess about your weight and appearance you were doing fine without him. Who needs it really. It is just a bad relationship.

  15. QUESTION:
    college application essay?
    Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

    would it be a good idea to talk about

    a) how i had to decide to euthanize my pet dog

    b) dropping of high school at grade 10 cause my ocd (obsessive-compulsive disorder) was driving me nuts, but learned to see it as a gift rather than a disability and returned to school after a semester, and i was existentially depressed (an early midlife crisis) - saw no point in going to school, getting an education, earning a degree, starting a career and even a family when we're gonna die anyway, and life is apparently meaningless

    c) how i was suicidal two years ago, wanted to end my life cause i was depressed with some personal problems and thought that by dying, those close to me would come to their senses and start treating others better and not be so bad/mean

    what do you think? i can write any one, but i just can't choose. which is more appropriate? thanks!

    i don't know how a) has impacted me, but i was just left with grief and guilt and was initially opposed to euthanizing my dog, but changed my philosophy. would it sound a little too braggy if i write b)? - cause a section of the application allows you to explain why you were absent from school for a period of time. as for c), maybe it isnt such a good idea cause it involves suicide?

    • ANSWER:
      honestly, no one will actually read this essay. They will read a random sentence from it to make sure you don't sound like an idiot.

      Those are all crap topics though. Pretend that someone you knew had these problems and talk about how you helped them through it.

  16. QUESTION:
    Best way to get even with an unfaithful ex after a divorce?
    Long story short... My ex left me for an older married professor and tried to break up his family in the process.

    I lost my house, dog, extended family, life's savings, etc... but the divorce cost me a great deal more than money.

    Through the divorce, I'll be perfectly honest. I concocted many scenarios to get even.

    I now have one that works.

    I started dating a number of people during the divorce and really was doing it for a way to build my self esteem. However, I was just going through the motions.

    Recently things have changed for me... I am dating a few women whom I respect immensley. My career is stronger than ever, I've lost my married weight and look and feel better than I have in years.

    I learned the other day that she has been cast aside for the midlife crisis relief she was, is now waxing philosophical about how sad she is, (not about ending the marriage of course), how much she has lost and is currently trolling ex-boyfriends for some ray of hope.

    I guess I did win!
    To the comments about her still being in my head. Of course she is in my head, she's going to be in my head for the rest of my life.

    This was a marriage that ended, not a crush.

    • ANSWER:
      Good for you!!! Showing the ex that you have confidence after what they did to you is the best revenge of all. You obviously feel way better about yourself then you did when you were marriend. Kuddos!!!

  17. QUESTION:
    Please help me make an important educational and / or career decision?

    I have a bachelors of science degree and over 10 years of work experience, but I hated that field so i quit for a career change. I am back in college to get a new bachelors degree in a totally different field. But i feel like i'm wasting a lot of money for no reason other than I was having a midlife crisis or something. (actually i'm in my mid-30s now). Should I keep going with this degree and go 30,000 dollars in debt or should i drop out of college and get a job in this wierd, scary economic time.? I already owe like 10,000 dollars in student loans and will have to start paying them off in 6 months. I dont have a job now, except selling stuff on ebay for spending money.
    Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      i would go with the opposite on both of the ones ahead of me. with the economy the way it is, and you're in debt ,000 i would not go deeper. you never know what the future holds and eventually you will run out of things to sell on e-bay. just look for a different job that will honor what you already have. if you were in good condition financially it wouldn't be bad idea to go for it. don't cause more stress on yourself by going deeper in debt.

      ultimately though it's your decision.

  18. QUESTION:
    College Sophomore and Still a Virgin?
    I am an 18 year old straight male, and going to be a college sophomore in a month. I had always been a stellar student, preferring future career preparation over participating in the social scene. And I did not think I needed to have sex just because everyone else was doing it. So I never particularly cared about trying to develop the social skills necessary to get girls to bed. Most of my friends have been guys. I remained shy, but happy with how things were going.

    However, over the last few weeks, I have been suddenly feeling tremendous urge inside my head to get laid, to lose my virginity. Its driving me crazy and I'm having boneheaded ideas that I never previously thought of. Although I am very friendly, I am not a natural "player" either - just below average height with decent looks ............. I think I lack the confidence to ask a girl out. I have never felt so depressed and worthless before. Can anyone help me out by giving some advice ?

    I think it will be worth noting that I immigrated to USA from a conservative south asian country 4 years ago. And despite my comparatively liberal upbringing, it was nonetheless a drastic cultural and lifestyle change, and my old friend circle was totally gone. I am in a midlife crisis at age 18 hahaha.

    • ANSWER:

  19. QUESTION:
    college application essay?
    Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

    would it be a good idea to talk about

    a) how i had to decide to euthanize my pet dog

    b) dropping of high school at grade 10 cause my ocd (obsessive-compulsive disorder) was driving me nuts, but learned to see it as a gift rather than a disability and returned to school after a semester, and i was existentially depressed (an early midlife crisis) - saw no point in going to school, getting an education, earning a degree, starting a career and even a family when we're gonna die anyway, and life is apparently meaningless

    c) how i was suicidal two years ago, wanted to end my life cause i was depressed with some personal problems and thought that by dying, those close to me would come to their senses and start treating others better and not be so bad/mean

    what do you think? i can write any one, but i just can't choose. which is more appropriate? thanks!

    i don't know how a) has impacted me, but i was just left with grief and guilt and was initially opposed to euthanizing my dog, but changed my philosophy. would it sound a little too braggy if i write b)? - cause a section of the application allows you to explain why you were absent from school for a period of time. as for c), maybe it isnt such a good idea cause it involves suicide?

    • ANSWER:
      it's good that you are honest, but don't write anything too deep. choose something a bit lighter e.g. finding a 10 dollar bill on the street, or whether to rat out a friend who cheated in an exam.

  20. QUESTION:
    college application essay?
    Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

    would it be a good idea to talk about

    a) how i had to decide to euthanize my pet dog

    b) dropping of high school at grade 10 cause my ocd (obsessive-compulsive disorder) was driving me nuts, but learned to see it as a gift rather than a disability and returned to school after a semester, and i was existentially depressed (an early midlife crisis) - saw no point in going to school, getting an education, earning a degree, starting a career and even a family when we're gonna die anyway, and life is apparently meaningless

    c) how i was suicidal two years ago, wanted to end my life cause i was depressed with some personal problems and thought that by dying, those close to me would come to their senses and start treating others better and not be so bad/mean

    what do you think? i can write any one, but i just can't choose. which is more appropriate? thanks!

    i don't know how a) has impacted me, but i was just left with grief and guilt and was initially opposed to euthanizing my dog, but changed my philosophy. would it sound a little too braggy if i write b)? - cause a section of the application allows you to explain why you were absent from school for a period of time. as for c), maybe it isnt such a good idea cause it involves suicide?
    come on, folks... i need answers!

    • ANSWER:
      Option b and c would tend to suggest to the college that you aren't a good candidate, especially b.

      If you aren't past those yet, you should be getting treatment. You don't have to suffer.


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Surviving Your Wife S Midlife Crisis

Posted on October 30, 2011 by

Infidelity is a crushing blow to many relationships. When there is a marriage involved, the pain and sense of betrayal can be overwhelming. Today there are more married women cheating on their husbands than ever, and the number is growing. In the past, it was usually thought that it was the males who were having affairs. Women were thought to be more faithful in a marriage. There was also a double standard imposed which gave a tacit approval to unfaithful husbands while women who cheated were judged much more harshly. Now through research and studies, it appears that women have not had a sudden change of morals in the last 10 years; it is just that they are being more open about infidelity.

In most relationships, a man who has been unfaithful will expect to be forgiven for their marital transgressions. There are millions of women who will forgive their wayward mate, or at least pay mouth service to the words. The pain of an affair seems to be deeper when the straying spouse is the female. Many men will find it very difficult to forgive what they think is the ultimate betrayal. The reasons that women cheat are as varied and unique as the women are. If you think that your wife will never cheat on you, you might be living in a dream world. Here are the top 6 reasons why wives cheat on their husbands.

a Bad Relationship-Many women have confessed that they often have felt trapped in marriages and cheated out of frustration. They look at an affair as a chance to feel aloveda. Reasons for bad relationships include lack of compatibility, drifted apart, separate lives, and marrying too young.


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Dealing With Midlife Crisis In Women

Posted on October 29, 2011 by

Does going through a difficult period in your marriage, mean the marriage has to end forcing you into a life of uncertainty and despair? It will if you let it, but it doesn't have to be this way. There are many examples of couples faced with a marriage in crisis situation that have survived and gone on to enjoy a loving and long lasting marriage.

What's the method to dealing with a marriage in crisis? First, pre plannining is a must. Knowing beforehand how to cope in a difficult situation is the key to overcoming a marriage in crisis situation. You will be surprised to discover how effective these 5 killer tips are in helping couples overcome any difficulties in their marriage.

5 Killer Tips for Dealing with a Marriage in Crisis

1 - Don't play the "blame" game when something goes wrong. Instead, focus on solutions not the problems. The problems exist, now we have to find a solution. Working together rather than against each other will pay huge dividends in the long run. The minute you start focusing on who is to blame for the problem, you are taking longer and getting further away from the main task of solving your problem.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    I feel like I am having a crisis?
    I am a Sophomore in high school, and I feel like I am way ahead of my self, I am already having some weird sort of midlife crisis deal but I am not even over eighteen!

    I want to settle down with someone already, I can't enjoy high school and have my mind set on graduation, admission to a good college, graduating from that good college, having my career, meeting a woman in college and marrying her after college then settle down and have a family.

    I am way to young to have all this on my mind! I can't even enjoy here and now because how my future looks causes me so much anxiety. (I am a 4.0 GPA student by the way.)

    I can't get out of that mind set and enjoy being a teenager and having fun with my friends and girls, I don't want to date or anything and I feel like I am five to ten years ahead of my self on most of my priorities.

    Also I know who I want to marry and we are seriously perfect for each other but she wants to move far far away after high school, and I can't imagine a future with out her.

    All this is just causing me so much anxiety, help?

    Someone help me please?!

    • ANSWER:
      Meet a hot girl

  2. QUESTION:
    Dealing with cheating ?
    I'm 21 and have dated a man in his late 30s for almost a year now. We broke up two weeks ago but then we got back together....I don't hear from him for a week and a half and come to find out, he has an online gf that he's apparently in love with...needless to say, I'm very crushed and heartbroken because not only was he the love of my life, he was always so honest and I NEVER thought I'd be in this situation...I'm so distraught over the fact that he did leave me for someone ONLINE and really didn't have to guts to break up with me. That kinda bruises the ego...I'm always in tears and I just want to be happy again. I'm not making any excuses for him but a lot of people suggest he's going through a midlife crisis (this new woman is his age, by the way)...any advice on how to deal with this??

    BTW, three weeks ago, we broke up because he constantly accused me of cheating, even though I never did. I warned him about this woman too and apparently, she has a lot of baggage and is still legally married.

    • ANSWER:
      it seems to me that he could really not be trusted... the man you THOUGHT to be honest really was just being second hand toward you... its pathetic that he couldnt be man enough to break up with you the faults he sees in himself is what he accuses you about (ie: cheating) he may just want a change because this woman IS in fact his age and at his level of "maturity" im not saying you arent mature for your age because i do not know you but that is sometimes the situation. if he wants to deal with someone that is still married then that is all on him. none of this is your fault... you just need to get out there and meet new guys your own age that will appreciate you for the great woman you are.....just because you dated this older guy does not mean he would act more mature.....good luck

  3. QUESTION:
    whats wrong with my husband? too early to be a midlife crisis.?
    Sorry but this is going to be a long one. but if you are going to Answer i would appreciate if you read through please. ok i am 23 and my husband is 28. and we have been married 3 years.
    this year in particular he is becoming distant and we don't do intimate things anymore.
    now also this year he has been hanging around single friend that are on the hunt and he has begun the
    "i think i got married too soon" ' i saw an attractive girl and i wanted to talk to her" crap. and yesterday he kinda put out there me and him are like friends. i cried all day yesterday.
    i let him watch all the sports he wants( i watch with him) i let him do what ever he wants i don't complain.
    also he said there is no romance but i don't need it he is the one that does.
    he said before he did not want a divorce.we do not have kids.
    we have not been Intimate for awhile now and the last time we did he said "ah~shouldn't have done that now i am going to be tired" i was like ....????(are you serious?)
    but he does get tired easily with other things too. i wonder if it is because he leukemia about when he was in his teens and he also had radiation and chemo thus he cant have kids now.
    and he has been trying to start a Business also (stress)so whats his deal does he really just love me like a friend now? he said he would not get counseling we have been in a really bad place for like 2 weeks now.
    i am an above average person i am not overweight. he said i don't dress up anymore but at the same time he does ot take us out anymore. i go to work now i clean and i cook in the morning.
    if you need more info please ask because i am stressed out and in pain.
    ps: he said we don't do husband and wife things?( if he means sex he is the one who does not want it) he eats terrible but is not overweight.( i was thinking maybe he is developing diabetes) but that would not explain him loving me like a friend.....
    also i might have hurt his feeling about intimacy because i told min after like a year of barely doing it and when we do it its like he doesn't even try. i told him he needs to practice doing it with me.( o was wrong i know it probably hurt his ego.soooo~~~ tell me what's going on...or what i can or should do... i mean if he is bored like i am sure every one gets time to time i understand but i would like to do something about it but he is unwilling. also i know there are ALWAYS going to be attractive women he will see and honestly there will be some more attractive than me i don't mind him looking but getting the urge to " hook up with her" that's out of order...
    by the way as i write this he said he feels shakey all over ....so i think he might be sick but that does not excuse wanting to be with other women.well i am looking forward to your honest and helpful answers from men and women alike thank you :)

    • ANSWER:
      tell me what's going on...
      >> Neither of you know how to make the relationship work - it takes good relationship skills that you can learn.

      or what i can or should do
      >>go for counseling or read relationship books and learn how to make it work!

      re: also he said there is no romance but i don't need it he is the one that does.
      >> You don't need it? Strange thing for a woman to say. Usually it's the other way around!

      we do not have kids.
      >> THAT'S GOOD!

  4. QUESTION:
    Men answer only, honestly, please! What's the deal with men wanting to date women half their age?
    Ok, is it a midlife crisis thing, a control-freak thing, or what?
    In other words, why ( other than looks, obviously) would guys
    in their 40's and 50's want to date women in their 20's who
    are young enough to be their daughters? I get that they're
    into the whole "eye candy" thing, but other than that, are you
    guys really into the drama of dating someone half your age?
    Do you have anything in common? What do you talk about?
    Are they just easily controlled and manipulated? Is it that they
    don't challenge you mentally? Do you not mind if someone
    thinks you're a dirty old man? I'm just curious, because if
    someone old enough to be my dad asked me out, I'd be
    really grossed out...

    • ANSWER:
      Well it's a whole male macho thing.He's always on the prowl for susceptible young talent.Even a mature young woman,has'nt got his expertise or guile to distract him.I'm talking about the womaniser,not the average decent male.Uaually though the young woman is captivated by his charm and apparent freedom and wealth

  5. QUESTION:
    Are men better at nurturing sick spouses than women are?
    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhdEXMob2zZQA2K9d73bjMAjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081110141042AAZLykN

    Do you think this is true?
    Do you think men do more for women even when not sick?

    One woman said this.

    I am extremely lucky, in that my boyfriend is very nurturing and likes to take care of me. However, I also take care of him. If I had to guess, I think he does more for me on a day-to-day basis, but I do more for him when he's sick than he does for me when I'm sick.

    http://antimisandry.com/discrimination-raw-deals/men-better-nurturing-sick-spouses-than-women-21517.html#post160251

    Do men always give more nurturing than they get when sick or not?

    Are men more nurturing than women?

    Are men more nurturing than women?
    -Men are emotionally stronger. During a mutual crisis, the man comforts the woman.

    -Women are harder to deal with. Men don't get extra support, comfort for their emotional cycles or midlife crises.

    -Women take more emotional support than they give. Social pressure forces men to share their feelings less often.

    -Men are better at nurturing sick spouses.
    -Even on a daily basis men do more nurturing.
    (see here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…

    -Men spare women from emotional rejection. Women do not do half of the initiating dates, initiating the first kiss, initiating the first sexual encounter, asking for the major milestones such as being exclusive or moving in, saying i love you first.

    -Men are less likely to criticize and say mean things to women.

    -Men give more physical affection than women. For example men

    • ANSWER:
      feelings should be mutual,mine are.

  6. QUESTION:
    Are men more nurturing than women?
    -Men are emotionally stronger. During a mutual crisis, the man comforts the woman.

    -Women are harder to deal with. Men don't get extra support, comfort for their emotional cycles or midlife crises.

    -Women take more emotional support than they give. Social pressure forces men to share their feelings less often.

    -Men are better at nurturing sick spouses.
    -Even on a daily basis men do more nurturing.
    (see here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhdEXMob2zZQA2K9d73bjMAjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081110141042AAZLykN)

    -Men spare women from emotional rejection. Women do not do half of the initiating dates, initiating the first kiss, initiating the first sexual encounter, asking for the major milestones such as being exclusive or moving in.

    -Men are less likely to criticize and say mean things to women.

    -Men give more physical affection than women. For example men hold women during cuddling. Men are more likely to initiate hugs and kisses.

    • ANSWER:
      Wow...not sure what planet you're on but the men sound very impressive. Here on Earth, especially in the US, such is not typically the case and every statement you made is incorrect (in general).

      Yes, there are some nurturing males, but on the whole Nature designed women to be that way to raise the kids and keep up the hearth/home (so to speak). Men were wired to be less emotional and nurturing, but to be the protectors and hunters.

  7. QUESTION:
    I am turning 30 in a week!!!!! Why does it feel so scary?
    Ok, I have always been confident about my age... I look younger than most of my friends, I hang out with 20-something people... I am happily married. Until now. I am a week from my big 3-0. I am close to panic. No big career (just a job), no kids, and feeling soooo not ready for an adulthood!!!!!!!! Should I change my life rapidly (change a job, get a science degree or start my own business--- inject hormones---- get fat and then pregnant if I am lucky)---i.e. achieve goals of so-called "real life" ------or maybe I am still too immature for that and should wait another 2-3-5-10 years to get a grown-up life? What if I'll never be ready? Share your own experience of a midlife crisis at 30..everyone... please! Especially women...How do/did you deal with it?

    • ANSWER:
      Hi Nice,
      I have 12 years on you. Thirty was MUCH harder then turning fourty. I had many of the same fears. sometimes still do.
      I think you hit on something though, maybe somewhere deep down you have a nagging feeling you should be doing more with your life by now.

      You are having a time in life meant to sit back, evaluate and decide what direction you want to go. Set some goals and start to work towards them (this also has the WONDERFUL side effect of great self-esteem as you move closer to your goal).

      You've been a real adult since 18, maybe it has been a nagging subconcious thought for a while that by 30 you should be doing "XYZ". AT 42,. I don't feel that much older than at 22, but a hell of a lot wiser. I can personally thank Laura's School of Hard Knocks and Slower Learning for that.

      What I did in my 30's? I started them like you...wondering if I should do more. A financial set-back due to divorce convinced me to go to school (I did it!) and secure a better job.

      The high anxiety leaves just like it came on...about a week after the birthday. Still, this is a great opportunity for growth and change. You can play the "when I grow up" game and pick one option and do it.

      Good Luck!

  8. QUESTION:
    Abused girlfriend wants space for 5 months?
    Please read the whole thing before commenting, it's a specific situation.

    So my girlfriend of 3 years just basically broke things off, sort of. A few years before me she broke up with a previous boyfriend (3 yrs) who abused her physically and emotionally and she has had problems with it since, particularly with anger. Its long and complicated, but the long story begins about 4 months ago when she broke up with me "to take time to be independent and prove she doesn't need a man to be happy." - she wanted to see where we were at after the summer. We got back together a month later when I convinced her that this was just an excuse and there were really just problems in our relationship, however in this time she slept with some guy and did other stuff with another... so obviously in my mind that was bullshit... the main problem there was I had basically neglected her by focusing too hard on my studies and the relationship died. In that month of time I had just worked on myself, I was devastated, and it bothered me that she did this while broken up for those reasons. I have resented her for doing this, feeling like I missed out on a "free pass" to sleep with other people - she is really the only girl I've slept with. Either way, I decided to forgive her(I know she technically didn't do anything wrong) and try things out again. About 2 months ago I take off for Italy for work, and just a week ago she came up to visit. Things seemed good, except I was less patient with her anger. At the end we had an emotional heart to heart about her past, where we decided that when we both return to school in a month she'll seek therapy to deal with it. A week went by and bam, she wants to break up for now. She says she never got to deal with her desire to be alone, and she thinks she needs some kind of "rehab time" to deal with her past in therapy. She's going to stay with her parents away from school the first semester, and return in the winter semester. She tells me she still loves me, wants to marry me, have kids, travel together and keep our previous plans but she can't do it without dealing with this first. She basically says she wants to rekindle things in January. I tell her - listen, I can't deal with you hooking up with any more other guys, so its now or never. She says she'll stay faithful to me until then to prove that it really is about dealing with her problems. She also thinks I should sleep with other women during this time to "get even" with her so the resentment goes away, and maybe get the number of people closer to hers, so that down the line if we ever do get married I don't have a midlife crisis.

    This sounds awesome to some people, but I'm really going to miss her. She's my best friend, the only person I talk to anymore about my travels and day to day life. She wants to talk every two weeks or so to keep in touch, but down from every day that isn't much. I love her and want to be with her, but it's getting to the point where I'm not sure if I can deal with her shit for my own well being. Any comments?
    **** TO BE CLEAR ***

    Some of you are confused. She didn't technically cheat on me, we broke up for a month at one point.

    Second, she is willing to remain faithful to me during these 5 months... she isn't going to hook up with other people, but I am allowed to.

    • ANSWER:

  9. QUESTION:
    TTC and and my Mother is very anti-me-having-kids...?
    First of all let me say that my mom has NO IDEA my husband and I are currently ttc.

    We have been trying for about the past 6 months with no luck. I am 25 years old and have been married for almost two years.

    My mom is in general a very self centered person, and very concerned with what others think of her. I think she is going through some sort of midlife crisis as well as being a probable alcoholic. She obsesses over the other women in town, what they wear, what they drive, where they live. She herself lives in a very comfortable house and has a very nice life. She has nothing to worry about, and she is very pretty.

    This being said about her, it only makes sense that nothing myself, my siblings, or my dad does is ever right. She is never satisfied with what we're doing. My mom even discouraged me from going to college because "we can't afford it (NOT TRUE), it's far away, and it will be a lot of work". I didn't take her advice but this gives an accurate picture of things she does.

    She even told my little brother that "the economy is bad, so going to college won't help you find a job-- they'll all be taken". He is 15 years old. I couldn't believe she said that.

    I know she doesn't want me to have a baby, although my husband and I are completely ready for one. Yesterday at Easter dinner, my stepsister, who I don't see very often commented that she liked my car. I said thank you and she said "It would look even cuter with a car seat in it", which I thought was a really sweet thing to say. She then asked me if I was thinking of having kids soon and my mom butted in and said "THAT WOULD BE THE WORST THING FOR HER". I was flabbergasted and told my step sister later that I would welcome a child any time.

    I was embarrassed that she would say something like that, but also very hurt that she wouldn't even want a grand child of her own. She has step grand kids and dotes on them, carries the baby around and plays with them. I am not sure why she feels this way about ME having kids.

    I have only told one person (my sister) that I am trying to get preganant. She is very supportive of me, but I still feel so hurt that my mom doesn't even welcome the thought.

    How can I deal with her (I know there are deeper issues, but those are a process)? I feel like if and when I do get pregnant, I will be a big burden and embarrassment for her.

    Thank you.

    • ANSWER:

  10. QUESTION:
    boyfriend moved around the corner?
    Help dont know what to think. I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years. We both have children and we made a beautiful home together. We had a good relationship and all was normal until 5 months ago. His brother moved in and crashed on my sofa because he caught his wife cheating. Of course he is out partying and messing with other women out of revenge. I did not care untill he started taking my boyfriend with him. Before that, my man would did not go out. Suddenly, the going out got out of hand and soon they were coming home in the morning. Needless to say this caused a lot of strain on our relationship and I started to suspect that we was talking to other women. I asked the brother repeadedly to move out but he would not. He caused a great deal of fighting between us and when they were not going out he was in our business. It seems purposely because he knew that as long as we were fighting he had a companion in his brother and a sofa to crash. I also think that he is a hater because he often commented that he wished his marriage was like ours.In addition, my man's baby's momma told him that he needed to choose between me or his kids and he needed to move out so he could have visitations without me around. She is a hater too and always tried to break us up because she is not over it. Finally, after 4 months of me getting pissed at the sudden change in my boyfriend's behavior, they both moved out. My boyfriend insisted that he did not want to break up with me. He just needed some space and chose a house 2 blocks away on a month to month rental agreement just in case he discovered he made a mistake. I told him that if he moved out we are over. My therapist told me enforce a 30 day no contact rule with him so that he could miss me and figure things out. It seems like every time I try to enforce it, he starts to text me and call more. He says that he is sorry and loves me but needs his space. he comes over to mow the lawns and take the garbage out. I just dont know what to think. He also made a comment that he does not want me driving by because there might be someone over (he later said that was a joke). I cant stand this not knowing what is going on. I feel like they wanted a party house to take his whores to and yet he wants his real woman within reach where he can drop in at any time. Some of my friends think he wants his cake and eat it too. Some of them think that he is letting it all out before he commits to me. But, I dont know for sure if he has other women, just a gut instinct. In just two weeks after they move out, they start fighting and now the brother is moving out to go back with his wife. My man is hinting that he wants to come back home but I said he cant come back unless he has gotten this new party, midlife crisis bull out of his system and he comes back with a fat rock for my finger. He is pushing away and pulling me in more tightly at the same time. I am confused. Now today he is not answering my calls or texts. Dont know if It is because I told him to f-off and never call me again yesterday or because he is with someone else.

    • ANSWER:
      Too long.

  11. QUESTION:
    Am I being mean or should I stick to this?
    I have been with my other half now for 13 years and we have a 10 year old child together. Now my question is pretty simple!!! Should I cook for this man every day when I do majority of the things in the house...hell I do EVERYTHING in the house..and work more hours a week then he does???
    I help my son with his homework...takes me over an hour of travelling time to get home everyday..and I get home and he's lying down on the couch! He really doesnt help out with anything..except dealing with HIS dogs. I am kind of at my wits ends with this..and havent really cooked for him all week..and I really don't care much about it either. I cook for myself and my son..and thats it!
    We avoid talking about these issues..cause all it'll do is cause a big arguement...and I just shut him out when that happens. He doesnt seem interested in the least when it comes to me. I am 29 and hes 43.
    He wasnt always like this mind you. Does anyone have any type of advise on what i should do about this??? Can he be going through a midlife crisis? He is about to be a grandfather in a month or so..his son from a previous relationship is having a baby. I just don't know how much more I can put up with. I am a very independant woman..and don't really need him in any way!!!
    Thanks for the replies! The think that irritates me the most is he doesn't even mention anything about it. I can see that it probably is pissing him off inside..but he just doesn;t say anything! Oh well..maybe he'll get with the program sooner rather then later!
    And yes even though I hate these little issues we have I do still love him. Just wish he didn't think I "should" do everythng! I do stick my ground and he knows I am not one to put up with much bullcrap for too long either.
    But I can say that he hasn't always been like this...I mean honestly it just really started in the summer time! It's like he gave up or something. I don't understand. He used to help out with alot of stuff prior.
    And yes I have my son doing his chores as well. Room cleaning...putting away his laundry ..feeding the dogs..and such!

    • ANSWER:
      Honey I'm probably the worst person to ask this question because I'm likely to tell you what I'd do to that man of yours!

      But let's start with the most important first here and where she is going WRONG-O! You. You must learn to communicate, not shut him out. When we shut out and shut down the other person is likely to do the same and hence his @ss is on the couch when you arrive home. Put your son to bed drag the husband to the table, fix yourselves your favorite drink and talk. Openly, sincerely, kindly and most importantly with an understanding. BOTH of you have to want to see or at least try to understand the others view on the matters at hand.

      After a while we tend to take our mates for granted and we must not allow this to happen and to stop it we talk and find out whats on one anther's mind and hearts.

      STOP doing everything Hon! If it is too much then get help. Hire someone to cook and clean if you can afford it. You can buy meals online these days that are healthy, tasty dinners that as expensive as grocery shopping.

      Look men are lazy and will try to get out of household chores and duties if we allow them. So when they do some chores reward them well, the more they do the better the reward. Some men only need praise (even if they didn't do it quit right, and if they continue to do it wrong correct them for this is a very old trick to get out of it "If I keep doing it wrong she will do it.") WRONG!

      If I had your husband and I came home to find his butt on the couch I'd go into the kitchen, fill up a bucket full of ice water, sneak up on him and then dump it on him saying something like "OH! Do I have your attention?" and giggle from the shock on his face.

      Yes I'm a cruel mischievous female, but Hon just like chores we can make them fun and rewarding. I might add your son is quite old enough to be helping and learning household skills and chores to aid you. Everyone that lives in the house should have a duty to make it a home. A clean cozy home.

      All else fails Hon and th pair of you just can't talk it out suggest marriage counseling.

      Whatever you do get your husband off the couch and best of wishes to you and your family!

  12. QUESTION:
    Best way to get even with an unfaithful ex after a divorce?
    Long story short... My ex left me for an older married professor and tried to break up his family in the process.

    I lost my house, dog, extended family, life's savings, etc... but the divorce cost me a great deal more than money.

    Through the divorce, I'll be perfectly honest. I concocted many scenarios to get even.

    I now have one that works.

    I started dating a number of people during the divorce and really was doing it for a way to build my self esteem. However, I was just going through the motions.

    Recently things have changed for me... I am dating a few women whom I respect immensley. My career is stronger than ever, I've lost my married weight and look and feel better than I have in years.

    I learned the other day that she has been cast aside for the midlife crisis relief she was, is now waxing philosophical about how sad she is, (not about ending the marriage of course), how much she has lost and is currently trolling ex-boyfriends for some ray of hope.

    I guess I did win!
    To the comments about her still being in my head. Of course she is in my head, she's going to be in my head for the rest of my life.

    This was a marriage that ended, not a crush.

    • ANSWER:
      Good for you!!! Showing the ex that you have confidence after what they did to you is the best revenge of all. You obviously feel way better about yourself then you did when you were marriend. Kuddos!!!

  13. QUESTION:
    How to deal with this mess....?
    I know this is long....bare with me...
    My father is a mess.
    He has been really cold and distant to my mother in the last couple of years.
    Now after supposedly "three years of knowing i don't love you"
    he said to my mother. He has come up with many stories to explain his situation.
    first week he said that he cheated on my mother with a woman
    who has a son. He was drunk one night and began to cry and said that it was because her father had just passed away.

    we were furious...

    a week later he goes back on what he said ....
    no...he isn't cheating on her...he lied?

    Now he says he is confused about his sexual orientation?
    HM OK?
    he says he had an instance as a teenager where he and another male teenager got close.
    thats all that was said.

    He obviously wants out and he doesnt want therapy because he would rather spend money on useless technology during his midlife crisis.

    What do you think this mess of a man is thinking?
    I still believe that he cheated on my mother.
    If so is there an affordable way of finding out if he has cheated?
    We migrated here when i was young and my mother can barely speak english. shes also dyslexic and has a terrible memory. Yet she is still trying to learn english and goes to classes.
    All we want is the truth but now we are not sure what to believe.

    I know some may think its not my problem to deal with this as it is my parents. I love them both especially my mother she has done all in the world to help me through life. Now its time to act as family and help her through her tough time. She doesnt have many friends all our family live overseas so she always feels depressed if she cannot talk to someone about how she feels. She IS getting therapy...

    • ANSWER:
      Who sleeps with someone because their dad just died? That's sick. I think your dad told the truth while he was drunk, and now he's trying to back-pedal.

      It's good that your mom's in therapy. It's good that she has you, too, because you seem like an intelligent person. I think that she should kick your dad to the curb. Maybe she can make friends in her English classes so she has someone to talk to.

  14. QUESTION:
    How to cope with father possibly cheating, and me being my mom's support?
    I'm 19 years old, and I only live at home part-time - most of the time, I'm away at school. I know my parents have been having a really hard time lately with their marriage and money and things like that, but I didn't realize how bad it was until I came home this summer.
    I'm 99.9% sure my father is cheating on my mother. They've been married 20 years, and have two kids besides myself. He uses my old phone, so when I was playing around with it I noticed that he's been deleting incoming and outgoing calls from his call log. That struck me as odd, so I did a little snooping with my siblings and my mom - apparently, he's also been going through an extreme midlife crisis (losing weight, getting his teeth fixed, going 'out with the guys' when he never used to). In addition, my mom is quite sure he's depressed, and my brother and sister cry regularly when they fight. So when I looked back at the phone, I noticed he was no longer deleting his calls (I'd asked him about it) but was instead having long phone conversations with a man named Todd who is a family friend. I looked at the contact info...and it's not Todd's phone number, I *know* Todd's phone number. Mom never considered that Dad might have just put his other-woman's contact as a different name in his phone.
    So when I questioned my dad, I found out he was "just talking" to a woman he worked with years ago. I told my mother this (it was the right thing to do!) and now they're in a huge fight. He told her the only reason he's not leaving is because he can't afford it. I am *so* angry with him and his childish antics. My mom deserves better. He's sticking around for my siblings and I, and I don't want to say anything to make his depression any worse, but I'm sickened.
    I've become my mother's only confidant, and it's driving me mad.

    Has anyone dealt with this before? How did you handle it? How can *I* express to my father that I do NOT approve of what he's doing - he seems to be under the impression that we're on the same team, and that I don't blame him for this. I do. I blame him for putting this on my siblings - I don't live at home, but they do, and they have to deal with it and I can see it taking a toll on them. I bet they wish I never came home, because it was me who ignited this whole drama to begin with.

    • ANSWER:
      Just tell him what you told us. Something like:
      "I do NOT approve of what doing - seem to be under the impression that we're on the same team, and that I don't blame for this. I do. I blame for putting this on my siblings - I don't live at home, but they do, and they have to deal with it and I can see it taking a toll on them."

      Beyond that, it is really something your parents have to deal with between themselves... you can't really fix anything.

  15. QUESTION:
    Mom and dad is not together, but there's more...?
    I’m turning 18 in April this year and live in South Africa. My mother and father married 22 years ago. They’re both the same age and married right after university. I found out five months ago their splitting up. My dad was “tired” of family life but he still loves me and my younger brother. He said: “I want to go clubbing and party” My mother though he had a midlife crisis but he was dead serious, he also said that he didn’t ever got the chance to be young and do stuff because he married my mother at an early age and now he wants to do it. My family isn’t poor, we live in a very posh part of town on the golf course and we spent every holiday in different countries. My dad moved out 4 months ago and lives about 30 km from our home on an other golf course. My mother said she wants to move because the house has too many memories. He bought a new smaller home but yet in a good part of town. We’re moving end of January. He also bought my mom a new car because the car she had was an anniversary gift from my dad a year ago. He also will give my mom monthly money because when they were married my mother was a stay at home mother and now she have to start working again. I wanted to be like my mom, the perfect mom, she did everything 200%. My dad explained to me that he don’t hate my mother but the love feeling has gone but he will still care for her and me and my brother. 2 months later, a 22-year old pole dancer that my dad met in a “club” moved in with my dad, my dad already bought her a new Audi sports car. She is now my dad’s clubbing companion as he told me but they sleep in one bed… and who buys a companion a new car and kisses her when I pretend not to look? She is from Russia and only speaks Russian and English. We speak Afrikaans and English. I gossiped in Afrikaans about her infront of her to my dad and my dad told me if I do that again I’m not welcome in “their” home. I can’t accept my dad is in a relationship with a gold digging pole dancer from Russia. I talked to my mom about it and she just cried and said she can’t do anything. What if my dad wants children with her? What if my father wants to marry her? I can’t accept her in my life and I don’t want her in my dad’s life. I love my dad but I can’t love him when he is with that woman! I accepted that my dad and mom is no longer together. I hate that woman. I will swore at her and I also smack her if I get the chance (she is 5 years older than me). I don’t know how to deal with this… Any advice? What should I do, My dad will choose her over me! I am afraid of losing my dad to that woman! Please help because I don't want to see a shrink...

    • ANSWER:
      You can't control him or his choices. You could accept him and his new life or you don't have to. Sry, i wish i could help.

  16. QUESTION:
    Why do i feel so nervous about marriage?? Is it a psychological thing....?
    Ok so basically I am engaged to a wonderful man, I know this is a cliche but he really is, and I truly believe i would never find anyone who would love me as much as he does =)

    I am 21 at the moment, and we are planning to marry in a few years time when i am around 23/24. I definately want to marry him, and totally believe in the whole notion of marriage, the thing is I'm terified of falling out of love with him....

    My parents divorced when they were in their 40s, and everyone I know seems to reach 40 and get bored/miserable whatever and seek a divorce. I can't emphasise enough how much the idea of having children then getting divorced terrifies me.... I was speaking to a woman at work the other day about tv programmes and I said I wasn't keen on desperate housewives, and she laughed and said "Thats because you have to be one to enjoy it!" and I was shocked. She is married, I presumed happily, but turns out shes depressed in her marriage and wants out.....

    I've actually found myself wishing I could die before 40, as I'm so scared of that whole midlife crisis thing, and falling out of love with my partner or being in a loveless marriage. It just seems marriages are doomed to fail these days. I'm scared I'll hit 40 and think 'what have I done with my life? or I dont love my partner no more'. I think about it a lot and it puts pressure on my relationship cos its like I'm half expecting that to happen, but I can't name one person I know that is still married and genuinely in love with their husband....

    Can anyone shed some light or give me some advice on how to deal with this worry??

    • ANSWER:
      Oh dear Freckles. What are you doing. You are meeting your troubles halfway - that means before they have been come.

      You will not necessarily do the same as your parents. You are a different couple. No couple are the same.

      Don't die before 40 or you will miss out on a really smashing part of life. When the children grow go to school, leave school, become engaged and marry and then of course what about the grandchildren.

      Love grows. You will have ups and you will have downs. You will have arguments and you will have problems with money, you will differ opinions about the children, and jobs. Even your beloved will make you angry sometimes.

      Freckles, that is called life. The bad tines make you grow closer. You need to argue because then you both grow. You will not always thinks exactly alike. You are an individual as well as a partner.

      I have news for you I am on my 49th year of marriage and I was 21 when I married. We went out for 4 1/2 years first. That is 52 1/2 years. It has had its up and downs. I would go as far as to say it is better now than at the beginning. It is very very different. The marriage changes as different events happen. The people in the marriage change. You grow together.

      So stop worrying Freckles. Just live your life and see what happens.

      I wish you love and contentment and good health.

      x x x

  17. QUESTION:
    People have the wrong idea about our relationship due to age difference.?
    I am a 46 y/o man & I have been with my partner for a year. She is 30, 16 years younger than me and between us this is not an issue we fell in love the instant we met and I for one still feel the same way if not more so. I am approching fifty and I do look my age. My health has not always been great and so I probably even look a bit older. My girlfriend on the other hand still looks very young, like a teenager and I find I am being taken for her father or that people are looking at me in the streets like I'm some dirty old man. Of course I know they are wrong that she is a grown woman and that we love each other but it bothers me. 16 years is a substantial gap but her looks make it look more like 25 years of a gap. I am fairly prominent in my field of work and have had some rather cruel rumours about our relationship get back to me. I think people believe I am having a midlife crisis when in fact I am happy in my personal life for the first time in my life.
    How can I deal with this?

    • ANSWER:
      You answered your own question: "..I am happy in my personal life for the first time in my life." You are happy, in love and alive! You deal with it by focusing on that - nothing else matters! (I want to add that I am in a similar situation: I am 27 and have been dating my 45 year old boyfriend for over a year.) Let me tell you, nothing makes other people as jealous as a happy couple. They will look for any reason to cut you down. Just remember they are wishing they had a wonderful relationship and a hot, young partner too!! ;)


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How To Survive Midlife Crisis

Posted on October 29, 2011 by

Think about the time you got married. Everything was very beautiful, both of you took vows, and thought that a marriage is a smooth journey when two people are in love. You certainly didn't expect a path full of potholes and bumpers. And now you want to learn about how to survive a breakup. And you certainly do not want to go through a divorce. Following are some tips in surviving a breakup:

The first key is to forgive you, God forgives and forgets, and therefore if it is easy for him, then we are still human beings! Forgiveness is the first key to learning. Forgive your partner. It is said that "To err is human and Forgive divine". Forgiving him will only calm you down and will give you sanity to sit coolly with him and talk about what went wrong. Forgiveness is one way by which you will also learn how to accept your faults and move on with him. This is the first method to surviving a break up.

Marriage is not a roller coaster ride that is going to make a leap here and bounce there. An angry mind will always make a fault. This is no teaching, this is reality, both of you have committed a mistake, now it is time to accept it and accept each other and move on. Slow down, when you are angry, do not make things worse. Give each other a break and space to realize your goals, and problems. Here counseling, going for a holiday, or spending sometime together will prove fruitful and will also help you surviving a marriage breakup.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    How do I survive my parents' midlife crisis?
    Both my parents and I are aging, of course, but I see them now falling into a certain level of cynical life. While they're not like, completely unmotivated, they don't have any real goals left, so they can be pretty negative to new ideas.
    I'm only just beginning my young adult life, so how can I survive my parents negativity towards my dreams and goals?

    • ANSWER:
      Please dont assume that when a person reaches mid life-- they have no goals left. Goals are real for any age.....just perhaps when we are older, we take a little more caution and planning in reaching them. Negativity shown towards your goals from your parents might not be what you think. It may be a desire to have you use extreme caution and think carefully as you pursue your goals and dreams so as not to make or repeat any mistake they might have made in their youth. In other words, we as parents want our children to suceed in all of their goals, and we want them to work hard to appreciate what they accomplish, but we also dont want them to face some of the same struggles that we faced in getting there. Your youth is the foundation you will lay in your own middle age "crisis". Dont be too hard on them - maybe they are just holding their breath as you take the steps forward to get what you want.

  2. QUESTION:
    How can I survive my fiance's midlife crisis? What can I do to help him get through (over) it?
    My fiance and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and have 2 children together. We are supposed to get married in October of this year. Suddenly last week he told me he doesn't enjoy living with me and has supposedly felt that way for years, although I had NO reason to believe that until he said it last week. He just wants to go out, and he smoked pot last night which is seriously WAY out of character. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to help him get over this, and why doesn't he think this would effect our 3 1/2 year old who is really really smart? I've been feeling absolutely devastated, helpless, and confused this past week. Help?

    • ANSWER:
      All I can say is after 10 years of marriage, it's normal for them to go through this. Mine has gone through the 7 year itch and the midlife crisis. What I found that was the best to help me deal with it was to let him do his own thing, let him work out or sort out what he needs to in his head. In the mean time, take care of you and your kids as if it's not effecting you. The main thing here is to take care of you and the kids, move on in a positive direction, and he should see what you are doing and be appreciative and end up coming back. You're lucky he's there, when mine did it the first time he was out of town due to a job for 3 months. The first couple of weeks I balled my eyes out but never in front of the kids. Then, I realized I needed to be positive for the kids and myself because my husband wouldn't call me for those 3 months. I researched how to loose weight and eat better, made goals, drew them out and set them on all my walls in my room so I would wake up to it in my face. I kept to that the list of goals for me and my kids to better myself for them while he was gone. He came back and I had lost 80 lbs. He was ready to leave, but in seeing what I had done while he was away he was amazed. Yes, the 3 1/2 year old is old enough to realize some of what is going on. It is normal to feel everything you're feeling. Good luck and I hope everything works out. It takes a lot of work and patience.

  3. QUESTION:
    Would you stick with a spouse who's going through midlife crisis?
    If, after 16 years of marriage, your spouse (in his/her early 40's) started doing stupid things, like trying to look and act younger, and partying with people half their age, and staying out all hours, hanging out at strip clubs and taking the strippers around on his motorcycle, and you were pretty sure they were headed down the wrong path, but you also believed your relationship was strong enough to survive, how would you handle it?

    • ANSWER:
      Like the first answerer said--til death do we part. I'd kill him.

  4. QUESTION:
    Midlife Crisis - How did your Husband act towards you?
    My 36 year old Husband is having what I think is a midlife crisis and before anyone says this can strike at any age.

    He told me 10 weeks ago that he is not sure if he wants to be married anymore, not sure if he wants to be single either. I don't think anyone else is involved as I genuinely think he is so mixed up he can't handle me let alone another woman. He has recently asked me to go out for a drink with him a few times, this is an improvement as for the first few weeks he did his best to keep out of my way.

    He is currently trying to get the equity released from our home to pay me off in order to have the house soley in his name, I have asked him to do this. But he says I don't have to move out when the money comes through!

    He says he loves me and always will and has been fair to me with money so far. He texts me sometimes.

    How did your husband treat you during his midlife crisis, how long did it last? Did your marriage survive.

    I want it to work, but am getting tired

    • ANSWER:
      Not so sure this is a mid life crisis as much as it may be an identity crisis. From what you said, he seems willing to find the answer. Has he tried counseling both singly and as a couple? Something has happened that has made him question the value of his life's achievemtns to date. If you love him still, tell him that... It sounds like he's not sure of it.

  5. QUESTION:
    Help Me! is this a midlife crisis?
    I have been married for eight years this month. my H lost his dad bout 2.5 yrs ago. things haven't been the same since. He went through this "stage" of not caring if he lived or died. He has type 2 diabetes, hi BP, Hi cholesterol. he ate everthing in site. sweets & junk food mainly. about 9 mnths into it he pulled himself up and started acting like old self. about 1.5 yrs ago he started staying away from home more and more. ( he's a truck driver)his usual 2 wks gone turned into 3 then 4 now 5.& things began 2 change. we have an 8 yr old girl who has lots of medical probs & coming up on her 5th surgery, the big one a bone graph. He was recently diagnosed w/ have a tumor on his bladder. had surgery to remove & its not Cancer. I was recently diagnosed as having a cancerous type of HPV. things have gotten worse in the last 9 months. He no longer into me, kids, sex, family ect. He into sex just not w/ me. He now enjoys porn on cell & computer. Masterbates all the time & tells me about it. he is worried about life insur, bills, job(which he quit & went back 2 a company he hates). tells me that his phn, wallet, & toolbox i am to NEVER touch. those are his and it is none of my business. (I've never touched those things 2 begin w/). He is 45 & now has a personal fitness trainer. Good I'm Glad he does. however we are about 2 b evected from our home. The kids & I wear rags literally. He is wearing brand new clthes & buys them as he wants. He advances most of his check everry week leaving me w/ bearly enough 2 pay bills. He talks about death. He actually snuggled on the couch w/ the kid last time he was home. He HATES that type of thing, Has for the 14 years we been together. We used to talk for hours on the phn. Now he calls 2x a week for 20 min each. His mood swings are unbearable...1 min he jumpin dwn my throat, the nest SEC he his loving & laughing. I'm lost and confused. Don't know what to do. I'm so sick of not knowing & crying all day everyday. He tells me not to worry that we'll be fine, but with everything going on how can I not worry. HELP ME! Is this a midlife crisis or just depression & stress? Will He walk out or will our marriage survive?

    »

    • ANSWER:
      i am sorry , you have number one ,prime grade JERK for a husband.

  6. QUESTION:
    How do I handle my husbands midlife crisis better?
    3 months back my hubby of 18 yrs announced that he is no longer having any feelings for me and wants to continue our marriage as an arrangement simply not to rock the boat for our only 9 yr old child. He laid down rules like don't call me , ask about my whereabouts or question my business/financial decisions and don't even expect me to talk to you . Im hanging in the hopes that one day he will see sense and realize we had a good thing going and especially seeing our beautiful and innocent child whom he loves a lot no doubt. Instead of working on the marriage he just blames me for everything. Now he just sits at home playing mobile games all the time on weekends.......weekdays we hardly see each other as we work different shifts. Despite giving him all the space , and giving in to all his irrational demands even if I so much as call to ask what time he will be home for dinner , he yells at me and cuts his phone. Im tired of his unfair behavior and losing the sight of the main reason we are still living together ie for our child. I had hoped that after a while he will cool down and once he is back to being a little bit of his old self again , I could suggest marital therapy or something. Most likely he is having an affair with a younger colleague at his office. He basically treats me with zero respect in that he doesn't even acknowledge my presence around the hosue , will not initiate any conversation and treats me like dirt. However punctually he takes us out every weekend for our family dinner / shopping like was our habit during happy times and when the mood takes him tries to initiate conversation with me about my job or relatives etc. Im tired of being treated as per his whims and fancies. Our child is also affected deeply due to this Siberia in our once happy and warm home and having frequent meltdowns at school and homes over trivial issues. She is scared that her dad will leave us and go. How can I survive this better without it wearing me down emotionally further. I still have hope that with time his affair would end and better sense will prevail. Has anyone braved a similar situation and does it get better ? More specifically I want pointers on how to deal with his behavior at home without appearing needy or over concerned. I want to show him his bad behavior will not be excused. He better act mature .
    He is also working out a lot and has lost a lot of weight in the past 2 months.

    • ANSWER:
      Get into counseling together immediately. If he will not participate then your next counselor should be an attorney.

      You need to protect yourself from the man you hoped would be your protector.

  7. QUESTION:
    Please can anyone help me in this mess??
    My 36 year old Husband is having what I think is a midlife crisis and before anyone says this can strike at any age.

    He told me 10 weeks ago that he is not sure if he wants to be married anymore, not sure if he wants to be single either. I don't think anyone else is involved as I genuinely think he is so mixed up he can't handle me let alone another woman. He has recently asked me to go out for a drink with him a few times, this is an improvement as for the first few weeks he did his best to keep out of my way.

    He is currently trying to get the equity released from our home to pay me off in order to have the house soley in his name, I have asked him to do this. But he says I don't have to move out when the money comes through!

    He says he loves me and always will and has been fair to me with money so far. He texts me sometimes.

    How did your husband treat you during his midlife crisis, how long did it last? Did your marriage survive.

    I want it to work, but am getting tired
    Yes we are still in the same house and bed, money problems dictate neither one of us can leave without the settlement.

    • ANSWER:
      Stay calm...do what you have to do as a woman...as long as he is not the cheating type...he is very much in love with you...do not get on his way....show him love...do nice things that you do not do before now...Don't loss that man, such men are very difficult to come by...he even has time to text you knowing that you stay in the same house - treating you as his new lover even when money is cocerned...I feel you are the problem! - never say tired so that you do not drive him into another hands.


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Midlife Crisis For Women Symptoms

Posted on October 28, 2011 by

How long does a midlife crisis last depends on a variety of factors. It is a hard question to answer due to each person being different and being in different circumstances, and although there does seem to be a common theme throughout many in mlc, the degree in which it hits a person is also very different.

To help answer this question, it's important to identify the different extremes of mlc. This can be broken down into several groups, starting at the most extreme to a lesser degree of mlc.

The type of person who internalizes their problems or emotions are most likely to be in the extreme bracket of midlife crisis. Their over analytical nature tends to bring them inside themselves, and really their mlc could last as long as any of these previous encounters.

Then there's those who look at their own mortality and seek to find the answer to whatever they are searching for. Normally, even they do not know what they are searching for, so this level is the hardest to predict how long it will take.

Frequently Asked Questions

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  3. QUESTION:

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  4. QUESTION:

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  5. QUESTION:

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  6. QUESTION:

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Male Midlife Crisis Signs

Posted on October 28, 2011 by

Controversies abound about the entity known as midlife crisis whether it is a myth or reality. Perhaps it exists in the imagination of some individuals only. I belong to an association of private medical practitioners and occasionally when a colleague turns up in a conspicuously youthful dress, we have a way of ascribing it to midlife crisis albeit jokingly, since we are all middle aged doctors who have been plying our trades for over twenty-five years. It is an issue that is never far from the minds of middle-aged persons, however it is a rare occurrence in clinical practice in my country; perhaps men at this time of life have so much to contend with that the crisis resolves on its own before becoming a reality.

Midlife crisis can be described as the emotional upheaval or behavioural changes that occur in some individuals between the ages of thirty-five and fifty. The fact that many scientific studies could not validate its existence makes its reality doubtful. Carl Jung and Erik Erikson, celebrated psychologists of the last century did not say anything categorical about this entity thereby casting doubt about its existence. Anthropological studies had failed to establish the occurrence of this entity in Asian countries like Japan and India; making it look more like a problem of cultures that celebrate youth and so lament the transition from youth to old age through behavioural changes that are akin to awithdrawal reactionsa to all that youth stands for.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    male midlife crisis questions?
    what are the signs that a man is going through a maidlife crisis? and at what age do they usually go through it if they go through it at all?

    • ANSWER:
      i went through it in my late 30's...

      usually consists of depression, moodiness, need to feel sexually desired, compensation for feelings of inadequacy (cheating, buying sports car, drinking heavily, etc)... there are lots of other symptoms, but they are the main ones...

  2. QUESTION:
    I am 35 and having a midlife crisis...?
    Isn't it a little too early, or has it become a sign of the times? Most of my friends, male and female, seem to be going thru the same thing in their own ways...Questioning their existence, their relationships, their jobs...Are we living in such stressful times??
    Whats happening?

    • ANSWER:
      Common thing kiddo......Same age here, so I can relate... We overindulged (or underindulged) back in the day and now we kinda want some sort of reassurance that we are on the right path......I say, if you have your health and some people love you, what else matters.......Smile and have a scooby snack, eh

  3. QUESTION:
    Is it possible that he wants me back, or at least misses me?
    I was with my husband for 9 years, married for 5 years. We each have a child from a previous relationship. In November, he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to break up. He showed every sign of a midlife crisis. Things did not improve, so my child and I moved out in January. In March husband was still telling me it was over and that I should start dating. Not long after that, I found out he had a girlfriend and so I let myself be talked into dating a male friend of mine. My heart wasn't in it- my heart was still with my husband, even though I knew his was not with me. My boyfriend was/is someone who's just there, who I never planned on keeping long term. My husband and I have had a very amicable breakup, and since mid-April, my husband has suddenly become more friendly. We've had some very interesting conversations recently, that has got me thinking. During one conversation, my husband told me a little about his girlfriend, but mentioned that he didn't expect it to last. During another conversation, when I didn't sound very enthusiastic about my boyfriend, my husband told me he understood, because there have been times the last half a year where he's wondered if sleeping in bed next to someone four feet away from him who's not speaking with him isn't better than sleeping alone. When a friend of his threatened to have me jumped a couple months ago, he didn't talk to his friend, but he did tell me that if anyone ever bothers me, to call him and he will drop whatever he's doing, and come stop things. Also, same friend of his was telling people damaging, and false, things about me, and my husband still did not talk to this friend (my request- better to stay under the radar), but he was very upset that someone was trying to hurt me. It's also been acknowledged that as a couple, we went through a lot more together (situations of being there for each other) in 9 years that most couples take a lifetime to go through together. Recently, my husband has suddenly become much more interested in my son, calling and texting each other, and is suddenly texting me three or four times a week, where we'd have short texting conversations, when before, we often went two or three weeks without him contacting me. Last week, he fixed my cell phone, didn't seem to mind doing the work, and now he's coming over this weekend to fix my computer. Could he be becoming interested again? Could he be jealous of the new boyfriend (I've made it obvious I'm not really interested in my boyfriend)? Could he be thinking I've got a boyfriend, so it's "safe" to be friendly now? Thoughts?

    • ANSWER:
      You've been together 9 years, and you have no idea who he is? Please stop trying to read his mind. It's lots easier to COMMUNICATE....openly....honestly....♥♥.


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Surviving Your Husband S Midlife Crisis

Posted on October 28, 2011 by

In a perfect world, as soon as you found out about your husband's affair, he would fall over himself apologizing and outlining how he was going to banish the other woman from his life. He would make promises to make this up to you, regain your trust, and ultimately to save your marriage.

This isn't the reality for some women though. Sometimes, the husband isn't sure if he wants to end the affair. For whatever reason, he sometimes isn't sure if wants to let the other person go. Sometimes he is honest and forthcoming about this and sometimes he isn't. Some men will tell you that they are ending the affair when they really aren't. It won't be until later that you find out that they've continued to carry on with the other woman as though nothing has changed.

Many wives, quite understandably, become very frustrated with this situation because they feel a huge lack of control. Many want to save their marriages (despite their husband's behavior) but they aren't sure how this is going to be possible when he refuses to end the affair. Many ask me how they can force his hand so to speak and get him to let her go once and for all.

I often hear comments like "how can I get my husband to end the affair? The other woman works with him and he sees her every day. He just doesn't seem willing to let her go, even though he says he still loves me and isn't ready to end our marriage. She seems to have some pull over him that I can not figure out and over come. But I'm not sure how to play this. Part of me wants to give him an ultimatum, but I'm afraid that if I did this, he'd simply walk away. Is there anything that I should be doing or that I shouldn't do?"

In the following article, I'll discuss what I consider to be the things that you shouldn't do (and want to avoid) when you're trying to get your husband to end the affair, come back to you, and save the marriage.

Why You Don't Want To Give Your Husband Either / Or Ultimatums: I know that this is usually the first card that the wife will want to play. This is very tempting because if you tell your husband that it's her or you, then the idea is that he will HAVE to make a decision - and hopefully he will make this decision very quickly. Many wives want to sit him down and tell him that he has a set deadline to decide if he's going to go with the other woman or stay with the wife. The wife will usually stress that once this decision is made, there is no going back. She'll tell him that he has to decide and he has to decide right now.


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Midlife Crisis Wife

Posted on October 27, 2011 by

We all know that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Are you aware that the divorce rate for Christians is even slightly higher than the divorce rate for non-Christian marriages? Although there is dispute as to the reasons behind this, the facts remain the same. One of the theories is that Christian couples might rely on the power of prayer and faith to fix their issues until it is "too late" and they find that their "unhappy marriage" has transformed into a marriage that can no longer be salvaged. Many Christian couples are embarrassed or reluctant to approach their pastor or reach out to traditional marriage therapists to discuss their problems. This is especially true if the problems involve sensitive issues such as addiction, infidelity or lack of sexual satisfaction.

So what is the solution? Where can you find the best Christian marriage advice?

Here's the harsh reality. While sexual problems, abuse, neglect, stresses about child rearing, money and jobs may not seem high on the "Christian" priority list, they are very prominent on the "human" priority list. And we are all humans before we are Christians, even if that is a sentiment you would be reluctant to shout out during Bible study.

So while we can be fully committed to having a God centered union and a faith based family experience, we still need to reconcile the fact that we are human, flawed and needing to take responsibility for our own actions and relationships. While prayer is an important component to strengthening your marriage, practical action is also required.

Fortunately there are many excellent resources available on the internet for couples for whom traditional marriage counseling may not be an option, due to either finances(it's expensive!), embarrassment (who wants to talk to a stranger about these things?), or lack of interest on the behalf of their partner (just like tangoing, it takes two to effectively participate in marriage counseling). While the internet does have many offensive sites and content readily available, there are a growing number of resources in the area of Christian marriage advice easily, inexpensively (many free, in fact) and confidentially available. They center on a practical faith based approach to improving your marriage, even if you sometimes feel like you and God are the only ones interested in making progress! Content, advice and exercise are entirely appropriate for a faith centered marriage and take into consideration that you are not only a Christian, but a human with valid needs and expectations also.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    How do I re-attract my midlife crisis wife?
    My wife had an emotional affair with her boss which she has broken off. She has said she wants out of the marriage, yet she is still home. She is depressed and has intense mood swings. This seems like a strong midlife crisis to me.

    She's even told me that the things that mattered to her before, don't anymore.

    How do I re-attract her to me and the marriage?

    • ANSWER:
      an emotional affair is an affair. sticking around and trying harder makes you a doormat. she is the one who should be trying harder. walk out and don't look back.

  2. QUESTION:
    what's the name of this midlife crisis movie? man cheats on wife pregnant wife?
    It's kind of old. It's about a man going through a midlife crisis and his wife is pregnant at the time. And this college girl befriends him and takes him to a party with her. She keeps flirting with him basically. The wife suspects it and finds out and the man ends up having sex with the college girl.

    • ANSWER:
      The Last kiss with Zach braff

  3. QUESTION:
    Is my wife hitting her midlife crisis?
    I think my wife is hitting her midlife crisis. She's 40 and I'm 44. Anyway, recently, she's wanted to go back to work at the restaurant (she's a homemaker, a wonderful one, too). She also is getting more sexually active. She also says she wants ton become a vegetarian. Also, she wants to have another baby, even though we both agreed the four we have is enough (plus, they're all pretty old, 17, 15, 15 (twins), and 10). Do you think she's hitting her midlife crisis?

    • ANSWER:

  4. QUESTION:
    Who thinks it is wise for me to fake a midlife crisis, tell my wife?
    that I am far away and then send her a one way ticket to Neverever Land?

    • ANSWER:
      ya taking donations? Can I send my wife with yours?

  5. QUESTION:
    wife in midlife crisis?
    My wife 37 yrs old almost 38, one day told she is not in love with me anymore. Started hanging with friends in the middle 20"s, going to the gym, burned the kitchen almost the whole house. We went to marriage counseling and always complaining about me. One day the counselor told her to stop verbal abusing me and just looking for minor details to put your husband down, She didn't like it because was not in her side. She decided not to go to counseling anymore and do whatever she wanted it. She wen out one night and we argued about disrespecting me and my 6 years old son. Next week acting weird and iresponsable. She went out again during the weekend and I made my statement clear I am not going to tolerate this anymore. Make story short I found out that I new younger guy was in her life. I checked her cell phone bill and confronted it. We argued and left home two weeks later to a nearby apartment. 6 months later found out that the guy was just playing with her but with the divorce papers already in process. After 10 months of separation asked for forgiveness did it the wrong way. I am way better than the other guy but still wants the divorce. She wants us to be best friend obviously I said NO WAY just the father of our son.She wants me to find another women and be happy. she doesn't trust guys anymore and now is spending time hiking and taking dance classes. I don't know what is going on with her? Married for 10 years, 2 houses 1 is on rent. We traveled together every year during summer time. Help her to finish her career and became a teacher. Reason for the divorce, I was not romantic with her. That I was ashamed to hold her hands and kiss her in front of everybody.I do accept this but I always told her that to look around if others people were doing that. If that a reason for a divorce? Always complaining that I never did anything for her and that I neglected her. Now she is seen a woman psychologist that is telling her that once a woman ask for a divorce it is because they really want it. That is her version.
    I am not talking or communicating with her, I want my space and live in peace. In our last conversation I told her that I am not planning to ask her to come back anymore. If she thinks that she loves me again to try it but not sure if I want to go back. I do love her a lot but to much damage in our relationship been done. My family doen't know about the other guy just her mom that didn't talk to her for 8 months. She doesn't want me to go back with her unless she come back on her own. Mom is not helping her anymore and need to do everything by herself like a mature girl.
    I am confuse about what that hell happen to her? She was an amazing wife and mother.
    What should I Do? give me your advice.

    • ANSWER:
      She had an affair and became emotionally involved with him. By the time I read your third sentence I knew she was having an affair. She had all the signs. She was probably content in your marriage until she felt the excitement and adrenaline of the affair. Once we become emotionally attached to someone else we slowly starve the marriage by feeding the affair. there are chemicals produced in our body that make HIM as attractive as heroin to a junkie. Her irritability with you was a classic sign. Everything about you began to annoy her because you prevented her from being with the person she was addicted to. Things that used to be very important to us (children, etc) tend to take a back seat. Affairs don't last once they are out in the open. They are only fun when they are clandestine and exciting. They exist with no everyday troubles, no children, no bills or dirty underwear. They are false bubbles of fantasy. Of course it fell apart after real life entered in. Unfortunately there is a significant difference between men and women when it comes to affairs. Men don't leave their wives despite all the lies about how they are planning on it. Women leave their husbands because of the addiction to the other man and the destruction they do to their own marriages. They convince themselves that the affair was justified and when the affair ends can even take their anger and sadness out on their husband, blaming them. (Unjustifiably) Unfortunately you can't control this. She has turned off to you and has no desire to rekindle it. It's not your fault. She betrayed you, There was no excuse for that. Personally, I would let her go and I would stick to the No Friends issue. That's selfish on her part. She wants the best of you without any commitment to you. It's a stupid concept to think you would want to be friends with her after what she did to you. Cordial for the kids sake? Yes. I believe your choices are smart ones. Good luck.

  6. QUESTION:
    my wife is going through midlife crisis and menopuse she wont let me touch her is this normal?

    • ANSWER:
      Yep, pretty much. Just be patient with her. It won't last forever. It may seem like it will, but give it time and she will come back to you. Keep your self busy and be very kind to her no matter what. She needs this right now.

  7. QUESTION:
    Can our marriage survive my wife's midlife crisis. She wants to be out night clubbing but has no time for me.
    Is this normal should I accept it or give up on her?

    • ANSWER:

  8. QUESTION:
    Is there a chance I could get my wife back in the middle of a possible midlife crisis?
    My wife is in her 30s. She told me she is not in love with me anymore but she still loves me. She is in love with someone else which could be infatuation. She has had sex with him. She does not want to even try to save our marriage. Will that possibly change with time? She has moved out and still wants the new guy to be her boyfriend and if nothing else just a good friend. I don't know if I can handle that. If he breaks it off and she comes back to me wouldn't that mean I am second best? I don't know if I can handle that after being her number one for almost 10 years. She keeps telling me she hasn't made a decision yet on where or what she wants. She has told me she could handle dating this new guy, but something is stopping her. Could it be me? I want her to come to me because she wants to, not cause she got dumped. She is just so infatuated with this guy. Everything I do is wrong no matter if it is right. She is doing everything there has to do with a midlife crisis. I also thought she may have a disorder of some kind to. I just know while we together I did my best to treat her the best way and love her the best way I knew how. Maybe it was the fact I let her take too much control. I want to change that if we get back together. In fact a lot is going to change if we get back together. I just hope I have the backbone to do it...Now she is all worried he doesn't want to be friends anymore. She is telling me this. I responded with I only care about us. Does anyone know what is going to be possibly next? My wife is too hard headed to go to a counselor or a therapist.

    • ANSWER:
      Let me get this straight ... she broke your heart, by telling u she is not in love with u anymore, she loves someone else, she has and had SEX with the guy and yet here you are thinking about getting her back in ur life? U serious? wow!!! And what makes you think she wont ever do that to you again? Leave you for someone else? She clearly has NO clue waht marriage means and what the vows mean. Have some self respect and MOVE ON!!!...

  9. QUESTION:
    wife is in a midlife crisis but doesn't want to accept it.?
    My wife 37 yrs old almost 38, one day told she is not in love with me anymore. Started hanging with friends in the middle 20"s, going to the gym, burned the kitchen almost the whole house. We went to marriage counseling and always complaining about me. One day the counselor told her to stop verbal abusing me and just looking for minor details to put your husband down, She didn't like it because was not in her side. She decided not to go to counseling anymore and do whatever she wanted it. She wen out one night and we argued about disrespecting me and my 6 years old son. Next week acting weird and iresponsable. She went out again during the weekend and I made my statement clear I am not going to tolerate this anymore. Make story short I found out that I new younger guy was in her life. I checked her cell phone bill and confronted it. We argued and left home two weeks later to a nearby apartment. 6 months later found out that the guy was just playing with her but with the divorce papers already in process. After 10 months of separation asked for forgiveness did it the wrong way. I am way better than the other guy but still wants the divorce. She wants us to be best friend obviously I said NO WAY just the father of our son.She wants me to find another women and be happy. she doesn't trust guys anymore and now is spending time hiking and taking dance classes. I don't know what is going on with her? Married for 10 years, 2 houses 1 is on rent. We traveled together every year during summer time. Help her to finish her career and became a teacher. Reason for the divorce, I was not romantic with her. That I was ashamed to hold her hands and kiss her in front of everybody.I do accept this but I always told her that to look around if others people were doing that. If that a reason for a divorce? Always complaining that I never did anything for her and that I neglected her. Now she is seen a woman psychologist that is telling her that once a woman ask for a divorce it is because they really want it. That is her version.
    I am not talking or communicating with her, I want my space and live in peace. In our last conversation I told her that I am not planning to ask her to come back anymore. If she thinks that she loves me again to try it but not sure if I want to go back. I do love her a lot but to much damage in our relationship been done. My family doen't know about the other guy just her mom that didn't talk to her for 8 months. She doesn't want me to go back with her unless she come back on her own. Mom is not helping her anymore and need to do everything by herself like a mature girl.
    I am confuse about what that hell happen to her? She was an amazing wife and mother.
    What should I Do? give me your advice.

    • ANSWER:
      Keep very accurate records of all these strange behaviors in a log journal, give it to your lawyer. When the custody issue comes up, give her supervised weekly day visits. Realize that she is doing what she wants and you are not in that picture, recreate your own life with someone that sees things more like you and keep the kids as the eye on the prize. NO other woman should come between you and them. Never bad mouth the ex in front of the kids either.

  10. QUESTION:
    I know your feelings about EFs. But, as my wife is in her midlife crisis, is it wrong for me to meet an OEF?
    EF=Emotional Friend, 21, cute but platonic. Really platonic.

    OEF=Old Emotional Friend, about 30, she's gotten a little chubby but still cute. She recently moved back into town after 8 years. I say it was always platonic, but she thinks we had "more" back when and wants to meet at Krispy Kreme later today.

    Wife=41, recently went to Latin America to get some cosmetic work done, is considering tattoos and nipple piercings; I barely recognize her anymore.

    • ANSWER:
      30 is old as hell.(lol).. I would stick with the cute 21 year old.... but that's just me♥

  11. QUESTION:
    midlife crisis?
    I'm a 34 year old woman feeling like I'm going thru a mid-life crisis! When I was in my 20's and even 30-31, I always felt really good about myself. I used to do some modeling and people always told me how beautiful I was. Now, in the past 3 years I went thru an ugly divorce from an abusive jerk, got remarried to a great guy and then had a baby right away. I don't regret any of it and I love my family, but I feel that it has sucked the life right out of me. I am having trouble losing the last 20 pounds from my pregnancy (baby is 15 months old) and I just feel like I look old and fat and ugly and I'm depressed about it a lot of the time. I spend money that I don't have on things that are supposed to make you look younger, thinner, etc. It's not about vanity....It's about my self esteem, which is now in the toilet. I'm trying to do things about it, not just sitting around complaining. I am eating healthy, exercising, being the best wife and mommy I can be.
    Is this what people call a mid-life crisis? I know so many others go thru this too, any advice? Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      Hey there! Congrates on getting out of an abusive relationship..takes alot of guts.
      As far as the mid life crisis thing...I dont think it's a midlife crisis...it sounds like you need to get away for the weekend and have some fun! Being a mommy and working can take alot out of someone!
      So relax and go out and have some fun! Take your hubby out someplace for dinner! Dress up in something BEAUTIFUL!
      The weight will come off as soon as you start to feel better about yourself....Being stressed about your weight is going to make you feel fater....
      Good luck Hun!

  12. QUESTION:
    Midlife crisis?
    My wife left me...
    And my daughter is pregnant...
    ... and she's gone emo...
    And my boyfriend has HIV...
    And my dog died...
    And I'm getting grey hair...
    And I'm going bald...
    And my son is listening to Rap Music...
    And I'm watching Lifetime...
    ... and my life sucks so much that Lifetime wants my diary so they can make a movie of my life...

    • ANSWER:
      Yeah....
      Pretty soon your "soldier" will stop.....saluting.

  13. QUESTION:
    How does a husband deal with a wife that is going through a midlife crisis and does not know it?
    Everyone around her including her own family can see that she is destroying her life and the life of her 2 children. She blames everything on the husband but she can not tell him what it is that he has done to cause her to want out of the marriage. She has disconnected herself from her children and asked for a divorce. She does seem to think that by asking for a divorce and having the husband served with papers is painful and destructive to him. It is as if she is a totally different person that he married. The body is the same but the spirit living in the body is someone that he does not know. No history of marital problems no drugs no abuse nothing at all just one day the wife up and asked for a divorce and said tha she no longer wants to be married. What can be done besides let her go, sell the house and move on, knowing that one day she will hurt very bad for what she has done but she can not see it.

    • ANSWER:
      When someone says they feel disconnected from their loved ones, it is usually a sign of depression. She needs to have a complete physical before she makes any major changes in her life. People don't "up and ask for a divorce." Most likely, she has been considering changing her life, but did not share it with anyone. Medication and behavior therapy may make a major difference in her life and her loved ones.

  14. QUESTION:
    The midlife crisis and responsibilities?
    Is my 45-yo wife entitled to have a mid-life crisis that requires her family to be turned upside down? Why are midlife types so myopic and selfish? Why do they become so sexually disgusting? I'm so fed up!
    My wife told me monogamy is a myth and she requires multiple lovers. Her sexual tastes aren't unusual rather they are downright disturbing!

    She wants me be okay with it or pay her alimony. She also wants the house, half my retirement and everything else.

    Why do I have to suffer because she's the one making all the radical adjustments?

    • ANSWER:
      Mid-life crisis tends to apply more to males than females, although if your wife is menopausal (or pre) she may be having some mood swings and issues stemming from that...

      You didn't give any detail so it's rather difficult to answer your question regarding what your wife is 'entitled' to and why her behavior is turning her family "upside down"...

      A lot of people are short sighted and selfish, and it often has zero to do with any mid-life crisis...

      As for sexually disgusting, again you didn't give enough information to comment on...I assume you're implying her tastes have changed from what they once were, but I can't be sure...perhaps you simply find sex less appealing than you once did...

  15. QUESTION:
    Is this how John McCain handles a crisis?
    His midlife crisis? His wife had a car accident and he cheats on her by having an affair with younger Cindy?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1024927/The-wife-John-McCain-callously-left-behind.html

    • ANSWER:
      Mccain is sexist, pro-war, anti-gay, and anti-abortion. HE IS A CONTROL FREAK! Mccain definitely does NOT have my vote.

  16. QUESTION:
    Having a midlife crisis and thinking about my teen years.?
    I have a wife and 2 kids and am just thinking about the opportunities I wasted in my youth. There were girls that liked me and I didn't do anything about it. Sometimes I wish I was 17 again and meet the woman of my dreams. I feel very guilty for thinking this way, yet I can't help it. When I as 17, I had a bad skin problem, now I'm 38, I don't have it, yet I am very fat. What should I do?

    • ANSWER:
      Work out and stop bitching about it.

      I'll tell you the exact same thing I told somebody else that was whining their poor little head off about not being able to find "sanitary living conditions" (Fleas! Boo-hoo!)... There's billions of people that never had the chances that you had! There's billions of people that are starving little skeletons - how about you think about those people while you stuff your greedy little face? How about you think of the people that are dying every bloody day of malnourishment because pigs like you won't stand up for their rights, or make half-hearted little donations at McDonalds, and nothing more?

      In some parts of Africa, you are given an AK-47 when you become a man. What happens in America? You start to kill yourself with cigarettes as soon as you turn 18, and drink yourself into a stupor when you turn 21. Whether or not you did that - it doesn't matter. The fact that you Internet access and a house and a family should mean a lot more to you than it apparently does.

      Sorry to sound like some sort of obsessive humanitarian freak, but just shut up about your problems and see a psychiatrist if you start feeling "down". Unless you were tortured by Dennis Rader or something when you were a little boy and raped by Timmy the Trucker, or something else you didn't feel like mentioning, you're in no position to hate your life.

  17. QUESTION:
    If I got a BMW, would that be the cherry on top of my Midlife-Crisis Sundae?
    I'm 38, professional and those BMW commercials are really speaking to me.

    My wife says if I got one of those I'd be "everything I said I hated at one point in time."

    Your thoughts?

    • ANSWER:
      Hey those cars speak to me too and I'm 25! I say go for it if you can afford it, those are nice rides :)

  18. QUESTION:
    Question for men who have been through a midlife crisis and...?
    divorced their wife because of it thinking it was the right thing to do (that being the only reason, not because she was doing anything wrong or because you two didn't get along or she cheated) even though you had a good marriage. Do you regret leaving her now that you are through with the midlife crisis?

    • ANSWER:
      I knew someone that , this happened to.. and he wasnt happy in his marriage to begin with, he loved her but wasnt in love with her anymore.. he left did his whole mid life crisis thing.. it ended up pretty bad as he pretty much lost everything trying to find himself.. and he did regret it.. leaving his wife.. but not enough to go back, and even if he wanted to she had already moved on by this time.. so he got his life back on track, and ended up marrying someone else..

  19. QUESTION:
    Do wives who Divorce going through a Midlife Crisis ever Regret their Actions?
    I am just curious if an Ex-Wife ever regretted her actions, after seeking divorce, and moving on?
    She went out and bought a souped up Mustang and is not very interested in the kids. Seems odd to me.
    She also told me in an email that she could not longer be a good wife or mother.

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    What can I do about my midlife crisis?
    I'm almost certain that the crappy way I feel lately about everything in general is male midlife crisis. I've been searching around online to find info and everything is worthless. I don't need just a list of the symptoms...I know them. I don't need resources for spouses of men with midlife crisis, though I suppose my wife might. I'm looking for intellectual, straight forward, tangible suggestions of things that someone can do to navigate these sucky waters.

    Also, I'm not in a position where I can placate myself with a motorcycle, sports car, boat, or other expensive toy. I'm not dealing with the male version of "empty nest", my youngest is a toddler and I still have a houseful.

    My biggest issue seems to be that I cannot think of a single thing that I could be doing that would be enjoyable. I've discussed things with my wife like vacations, retreats, time off of work, etc. Nothing seems remotely attractive.

    So, if there is anyone who has some resources to point me to that might help, I'd be grateful.

    • ANSWER:
      I am going to look for more info for you, but wanted to say something in the meantime...it sounds to me like your suffering from some mild depression, rather that is due to getting into midlife or something else I wouldn't know, but that is what it sounds like. My suggestion to you is to do some of those things that don't seem attractive when you think of them, from personal experience I have found when I do it anyway, I often end up finding some enjoyment in it. I have learned that if I just think, I might never get anything done:) And as you "force" yourself to do something and find your having fun, things do become more attractive. I don't know what you have enjoyed in the past..maybe there is something you have not done in a long time that you enjoyed? Personally for me it was getting out fishing, I love to sit by the water and fish, rather I catch anything or not.

      I will do some reading and see if I find something worthwhile for you, but for now this is my best suggestion and it worked for me..and as a "maturing" woman (sounds better than aging:P) I can relate somewhat to what your going through.

      Additional Note: I just did a bit of searching for resources and I find it disturbing, there is all kinds of info for partners of men in mid life, women in mid life..but nothing that is really substantial for the man himself..that is very disconcerting to me, and certainly dismissive of a man's needs. I am sorry and I will continue to look. There are some books, but that certainly isn't feeding any instant needs, that the internet should be able to provide.

      I found this article on Discovery Health, and I'm still looking for worthwhile resources.
      http://health.howstuffworks.com/sexual-health/sexual-dysfunction/andropause-dealing-with-male-menopause.htm

      It mentions that testosterone levels drop as you get older and can cause what you are going through, most people would associate low T with sexual things, but evidently it can contribute to other things. Please read it, and maybe you should see a Dr. and get some hormone test done, or look for some natural alternatives, I know DHEA can boost testosterone. And maybe this is all you need:) My guy (he is 54) takes several supplements and they help a ton. We also have 5 children at home, the youngest is 8.

  21. QUESTION:
    Women and midlife crisis?
    I think my wife is going through a midlife crisis and it's making me crazy,One day she will say she just needs to get away for a week and clear her head,not sure if she is still in love with me,says she loves me and always wiil,but not feeling affection towards me right now,then the next day ask if I want to go to dinner,we have a great time at dinner and even better time later that night in bed.I am very confused,I love her so much and not sure how to handle what she's going through.We've been married over 20 years and she is in her early 40s.

    • ANSWER:
      she's getting her pipes cleaned somewhere else dood
      when the guy is in town she's distant
      when he's out of town, she's yours

      hope you don't get the HIV

  22. QUESTION:
    how do I deal with my own midlife crisis I just turned 40 and the company I work for is closing after 15 years?
    My wife of 17 years is very sportive and I love her to death. But I keep looking at other women what do I do dispirit and confused

    • ANSWER:

  23. QUESTION:
    my male friendis going thru a midlife crisis. will he snap out of it 1 day or be like this now forever?
    He has been sleeping with someone that he works with for the past 5 months. He gets angry when I try to tell him he is going thru a midlife crisis. He is married but doesn't care if his wife and kids leave.He acts very heartless now...
    all he cares about is sleeping with this other woman that he works with and going out drinking because that's all she does. She is 26 and he is 39

    • ANSWER:
      He'll snap out - midlife does not include old age.

  24. QUESTION:
    How can I get over MY midlife crisis?
    I am a 34yo male who has been married for 8 years. I have a degree in electronics, but I have been working in software for 8 years. I make about double what my spouse makes. We own a nice house, truck, camper, boat, etc. Everything is paid for but the house which is reasonable. We spend our money on dining, trips, movies, etc. We have no children due to fertility issues.

    Problem: I hate my job. About two years ago, I started yearning for a new job, but the wife always complained when I mentioned that I would probably make much less than I make now. I am very unhappy. She will not consider in vitro or adoption. Having children is a must for me. I have asked for divorce twice so I could get control over my life back. We have been in counseling together and individually ove the last year. I am sad and resentful and keep thining about life on my own.

    I don't want to play anymore and wanted to ask the world what a guy can do to cure his midlife crisis before I make a horrible mistake.

    • ANSWER:
      you know what...u have given this woman the world and she wont even let you be happy. give it up man, sounds like shes more worried about what you buy for her then your mental state. this is not a midlife crises hun, this is your wife being selfish and you reacting normaly. tell her that this is how you feel. in fact show her this question and all the different answers, maybe she'll see how bad it is for you. after working so hard at putting yourself (and her for that matter) you deserve what you want. if counseling isnt working then maybe you just need to act on your instincts and leave. find a job that pleases you, not someone elses spending habits. find a woman that can give you what you want in life.

  25. QUESTION:
    My wife is having a mid life crisis or an affair?
    Ok, my wife has admitted to having a one time affair after I caught her 6 years ago. I feel there was more sex on the side then I'll ever know. We seemed to have moved past it. Now it seems things that brought my attention to her past infidelity are starting to resurface again. She easily irritated, she is angry toward me for no reason, she has no patience at all, and she seems to bash me with no justifyable reason. After 22 years of marriage I see how much she's changed and how I'm starting to really dislike her because of so much negativity on her part. I also feel she's not sorry for her affairs and would more then likely have sex with others if she wanted to and knew she could get away with it, and with her working the midnight shift, anything can happen. I feel I have done everthing possible to improve our marriage, I did all I could and more then I should have when I see her do very little. Is this a sign of new infidelity, a midlife crisis or menopause?

    • ANSWER:

  26. QUESTION:
    Do women get midlife crisis?
    My wife started obsessing over her 37th birthday as if that was a significant date. She radically changed a couple months before and the months since her birthday. She started using pot - against my wishes and principles. I caught her cheating - her response "don't ruin this for me". She continues to use the pot and cheat with various guys some in 3-ways. She at one point said that this(pot, cheating) was just for a short while. Now she says she wants just an open marriage because she likes F'n around.
    She is doing sex acts with these guys that I will not do. I will not do a 3 way with her and another guy, as she recently asked me to do. I am not into anal sex which is one of the things she is doing with these guys.
    Is this just a midlife crisis that she will get over soon? Or is she now into other things and will not go back to how things were?

    I do love her. Yes we did have problems in the bedroom. She had always been the prude in the bedroom!
    Yes one of the big hangups for her was that she felt totally unatractive and undesirable. Once she started cheating she lost about 25 lbs, dyed her hair and changed her hairstyle. She trimmed her pubic area, shaved her legs etc. Started dressing nice all the time.
    We married when she was 19 and she had only been with two other guys.

    • ANSWER:
      You may of loved who she was, but do you love who she is now?
      A midlife crisis is no excuse for anyone to do hurt people.
      Is she hurting you?
      Are you able to forgive?
      People change every day and sometimes not for the better.
      I recommend to think if you are truly willing to live the with the way things are.

      She is living her life the way she wants to.
      You need to live your life the way you want to.
      If its together great.
      If its not that's okay too.

      I would take a weekend by yourself and think about it.

  27. QUESTION:
    Going through Midlife crisis?
    Well, it's not really a midlife crisis, but here's how things worked out for
    me.

    Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25
    years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and
    watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot
    25 year old blond.

    Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma
    screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me
    that you are not holding up your side of things."

    My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot
    25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be
    living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

    • ANSWER:
      Now that is funny. WTG!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!

  28. QUESTION:
    Is it possible I'm having a midlife crisis at 30?
    I've been thinking about some of the issues I've been having with the wife lately & I began to think that maybe she's not specifically pissing me off as much as I though and I might just have some kind of wild hair up my ass.

    So I was looking around at some oddball ideas and a friend said I sounded like I was experiencing a midlife crisis... it kinda makes sense but hell I won't even be 30 until the end of March 2010. So I started looking into it and from a lot of sites I've bounced around apparently a midlife crisis at 30 isn't that far fetched these days.

    Also... I know you're reading this, Red.

    So I checked up on the symptoms of a midlife crisis and sure if there isn't a lot of similarities going on. Only thing I'm not doing is cheating on my wife but I have had it cross my mind... a lot, but thoughts are thoughts. just b/c I think it doesn't mean I'm gonna do it. I think about vandalizing the business of a former employer because I hate him that much even after 2 years, but I'm not about to do it. I don't want to hurt my family by doing something that stupid and careless because I think it'll make me smile for a weekend.

    It's not that I don't like my wife or anything but sometimes I just feel like I resent her for the stupidest reasons... unfortunately there seem to be an endless list of these reasons. I don't know I guess I think of her as more of a friend than a partner.

    By the time I moved out of my family's home I was practically married already, then *BAM* almost no time later we had a kid and to make it even harder my wife wouldn't believe me when I said she was pregnant. she was 6 months along, not showing at all then when we finally got a definite answer from a pregnancy test she started blowing up within a few days... So with less than 3 months to get used to the idea of a kid let alone prepare for one was crazy.

    My second kid is 2.5 yrs old and I can only now say that I'm prepared, ready and able to deal with kids though I know I don't want anymore... ever.

    Could I be experiencing a midlife crisis or is it just finally hitting me and I'm depressed about never getting to experience the out-on-my-own single life? Or is that a part of a midlife crisis too b/c it sounds like it does when I read it out loud...

    any input or advice? I'm typically pretty good about figuring stuff out and helping other ppl figure this kinda stuff out but since it's happening to me I can't get a clear view of it to get a mental foothold to figure out where and how I should start dealing with this.

    • ANSWER:
      absolutely

  29. QUESTION:
    Midlife crisis at age 30 married with kids for 15 years? please help?
    I am trying to find some good material to read of statistics to find. Here it is. I have been married for almost 15 years. My wife and I got married at 18 high school sweethearts I guess you could say. We have had our share of battles but nothing to crazy, except once in 08 I got caught with porn. (and in our Christian belief its adultery) I had been hiding it for years. I never had told her I was addicted to porn and it took months to get that straightened out. I thought we were doing good.
    Well I just found out that she is having an affair and keeps saying things that see loves me and loves him and don't even know if she just wants to be single. We have 3 kids together. 14, 9, and 6. They don't know nothing about it, except my oldest knows something is going on just no details. My wife keeps saying we got married to young and she never got her freedom she wanted like college, carrier and so on. She was 4 months pregnant when we got married.
    I say all that to see if there is some kind of info I can find on a midlife crisis. I believe that is what she is going through. Any info tips or recommendations would be awesome. And yes call me crazy but I am willing and want to fix this. She is the love of my life and my best-friend I have ever had. (another inside info is, I joined the Army 2 years ago. And for the last year I know I have been distant, emotionally.(because I am not liking the Army) But I am deployed and have been gone for 5 months now. And all this started (her affair) 2 months ago.) So any info like I said would be awesome. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      You wife is probably not going through a mid-life crisis as much as she has grown and realized she hasn't created a life for herself. All her life she has been a housewife. You wrote, "My wife keeps saying we got married to young and she never got her freedom she wanted like college, carrier and so on. She was 4 months pregnant when we got married. "... Of course you all married too young. But who could have told you all that 15 years ago? Your wife needs to suck it up and get some counseling. No one told her to get pregnant as a teenager and not go to college or have a career. Always better to create a life before you become a wife.

  30. QUESTION:
    Is this Midlife Crisis or is he really being sincere?
    I am 25 and my boyfriend is 40. Both of us have never been married or had any children. we are very compatible with each other and have a lot to keep this relationship going. Now people say the 15yr age gap is too much but i don't mind. It has never really occurred to me in our interaction that there is a significant age difference. I also know at this stage in life that some men go through a midlife crisis. Would he be a perfect example of this? i know that John Mccain was exactly 40 when he married his 2nd wife Cindy who bore him 3 children. I just don't have an inheritance or come from a very wealthy family like Cindy Mccain did. All i have is my brain, my intelligence and the beautiful heart that the lord has blessed me with. My boyfriend on the other hand wants to put me through law school which is something i definitely want to do.

    • ANSWER:
      That sounds perfect to me.

  31. QUESTION:
    I want to make contact with people who, like me are going through a midlife crisis??! Please NO proffessionals
    I've been feeling a bit alienated lately...looking for someone who can pehaps relate to what I'm going through. Feeling a bit flat most of the time...unhappy with my lot in life. I'm told it's a midlife crisis...very common I believe, but perhaps no one's talking about it because I can't find anyone else who (even remotely) understands how I feel. The marriage is not good and I find myself feeling pretty worthless about everything I'm involved with. Spend most of my free time porn-surfing the web, trying to seek out some form of pleasure. Contemplated throwing the marriage (of 25 years) in; and use my 'frequent fliers' to head over to Bangkok for one of these middle-aged sex romps. Feeling like I'm not achieving in my career. My wife is a religious zealot, which adds to the mix. I've go a household full of teenagers (1 boy, 2 girls)...and have no life to speak of (at least not of my own). Long bouts of depression; and a desire to reclaim some of my lost youth. Is anyone out there??!

    • ANSWER:
      I am certainly not a professional person. I am 46 years old and my life is as flat as a pancake. I can relate. I feel my life has no destination at this time. In the last 2 years I have been living a life of hell. In November 2004, I walked out of my marriage due to domestic violence , two weeks later I was sacked from the job I was doing through lies, which I thought was the last straw. In March 2005 I was diagnosed with bipolar (severe depression), in July last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I feel completely alone and useless. If you would like to contact me please do, maybe we can cheer each other up or help each other.
      Kim Perth

  32. QUESTION:
    Midlife crisis coming up, what should I get convertible or girlfriend?
    I asked my wife, which she would prefer i get and she told me it was my choice. neither will get driven more than once or twice a week. Both should handle well and have nice lines, i need suggestions here please.

    • ANSWER:
      why not both?

      midlife??? ~ You're still very young

  33. QUESTION:
    my wife of 38 years is going thru mid life crisis,wants me to leave, i did, how can i help her.?
    we have been experiencing this for six years. the hot flashes,sweats, you name it. she would say bad things to me and just act like a bitch. we have servived this long in the midlife crisis,why does she want to be alone? I do what ever she wants when she wants it . doing this i am hoping it will help. It hasn't. I am now out of the house. Its been a week, what should i do?

    • ANSWER:

  34. QUESTION:
    Midlife crisis advise?
    I am a 37 year old male with a good job, loving wife and two great kids but lately I haven't been that happy (sometimes depressed) and really cant put my finger on what the problem is. My wife has even noticed and asked what is wrong but I cant answer when i don't even know.
    Just looking for advise from someone who has been through this.

    • ANSWER:
      it hit my ex in his 50's, where he got depressed, was unhappy. he was seeing another woman, and thought he wanted out of the marriage. i divorced him at his request, now a few years down the road i hear that they are not happy, so the problem was within him. and no matter what he did the results were the same.u may need to get some therapy and see what is going on within u.

  35. QUESTION:
    Women and Midlife Crisis?
    I have met a number of men that were married to women who just left after years of marriage. These were hardworking regular guys and their wives just wigged out when they hit their 40s. Usually, it was the wife running off with another man. Families destroyed forever. I have seen this so many times I would call it an epidemic. I would like to understand the cause.

    • ANSWER:
      Never having been in that situation myself, I can only offer an opinion, but I believe it has many reasons. Of course, each situation is different, but, in my opinion, this sort of occurrence has to do with two things: 1. The wife reaches that point where pre-menopause begins and she does, indeed, wig out a bit. Along with that come feelings of inadequacy and fear. Fear that her life is passing her by and she has to catch up before it is too late.. not that dissimilar from the way many men feel at that point. 2. The wife feels underappreciated and undesired. After many years of marriage, a couple tend to fall into a routine and many things are taken for granted. Sometimes, rather than go to the spouse and express these concerns and work them out, one spouse, or the other, will simply react inappropriately.
      All in all, it is sad, but also human nature to feel wanted and desired, even if it comes from someone other than the spouse. The test is how you react to the situation. In your question, the wives did not react well.

  36. QUESTION:
    Do ALL men go thru 'midlife crisis'? N do they find other younger women more attractive than their wives? Why?

    • ANSWER:

  37. QUESTION:
    What is a midlife crisis?...?
    I have been married for 12 years-always faithfull, 3 kids and a good job. Me and wife do not fight or argue, kids are well behaved and respectful and there is no reason I can think of that explains why I want to leave them. I love them dearly-what gives? Why would I want to throw it all away for some potential new relationship?

    • ANSWER:
      Happens all the time, brother. Just about all men have this occur at one time or another - or over a long period of time - during their marriage.

      In some, it becomes an overwhelmingly strong need and it blinds the man to everything else that makes sense in his life. If this happens to you, you need to speak to your doctor first. There may be something organic going on that you need to address. Assuming that you are OK medically, give it some time - it may go away. But, don't act on it. Impulsive reaction to wanting to roam will only lead to disaster. Resist! Remember, you have a wife and kids!!!

      If this persists, see a competent marriage counselor or personal psychologist - alone. Don't take your wife unless the counselor thinks it will be helpful. But, do tell your wife that things have been bothering you, that it's not about her, and that you need some time to work through it. (It's not fair to worry her unnecessarily. Be reassuring, loving, kind, and attentive. She deserves that.)

      Understand that most men like to wander. After a certain number of years in the same routine, we like to test out or "hunk-ability" with females. It's a prideful, egocentric temptation reinforced by the media and our single guy friends. Avoid the temptation at all costs. You can ruin your life.

      I've seen beautiful marriages and families broken up and scattered just because the husband/father couldn't keep his wick dry. Typically, after the fling, there is deep remorse, the cute little babe has left your sorry self and gone of to find another conquest, leaving you alone and desolate. Your wife doesn't want you within three feet of her, your kids think you are scum (justifiably), and your friends just look at you and shake their heads.

      Understand this: you're older now. It's normal. It happens. You're not going to die soon. Your happiest moments in the future will be with a loving life companion and grandkids. You want to toss that in the bay over some temporary need to satisfy selfish concerns about your manhood? have an adventure? experience "life"? help out some poor, lonely, and abused young woman that needs a daddy-figure in her life?

      Time to grow up and be an adult. Now, go give your wife a big hug, tell her how much you appreciate and care about her, and picture your kids having kids and growing old gracefully as a loving grandpa. Isn't that a better picture than the one you are contemplating?

  38. QUESTION:
    midlife crisis.....is this funny?
    After being married for 44 years I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 41 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 21 year old every night.
    Now I have a 0,000 house, ,000 car, huge bed, and a 60 inch plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65 year old woman. Seems to me you aren't holding up your end of the bargain."

    My wife is a reasonable woman, she told me to go out and find a hot 21 year old , and she would make sure that I once again would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.

    Pretty much solves that mid life crisis thing.

    • ANSWER:
      isn,t that the truth

  39. QUESTION:
    The Dreaded Midlife Crisis (or is it just selfishness?)?
    I happened to be flipping through the channels, when I saw the current ‘issue’ with the John and Kate Gosslin family (I think I spelled it right). And I saw where (if I’m not mistaken) it’s official that they’ve separated and he’s now dating his former wife’s once close friend. And I stated to ask the question, what would make a man or woman walk away from years of union with someone they once classified as being their soul mate (after establishing a family) to live the single life again.

    I asked a co-worker tell the story of how he separated from his wife of 15 years and 3 kids. He explained he somehow felt ‘trapped’ and unable to breath. He stated that he felt as if he’d lost himself and his identity by spending more time at cheerleader and football practices, going to school functions and spending quality time with a woman he felt he no longer knew. He said that he started acting out on these feelings of selflessness and had flings with other women and spent money on major purchases without consulting his wife. Needless to say he had to sell everything he purchased, is now paying child support and living in a one bedroom apartment.

    And I’ve seen women do this too, a friend of mine stated that his mother just up and took a trip to the Bahamas’ without telling anyone where she was going. She reasoning when she returned home was that she ‘needed some me time’. Now she and his father are divorced (but they live in the same neighborhood, things that make you go huh?)

    Why do you guys think people reach a stage in their lives where they feel as if the life they live now is not the life they’re meant to live? Could it be that they regret making the choices they’ve made in life or could it be that they fear they’re missing out on the happiness they once thought they had?

    If you don't mind answering, what is your definition of a 'mid-life' crisis?

    • ANSWER:
      Red Corvette & a much younger gf are usually signs of a midlife crisis

  40. QUESTION:
    Midlife crisis? Just wanting to live a little? Help!?
    My wife and i are in our mid 40's, we have spent our entire life working and it seems like we work just so we can go to work. We have spent the last 18 years working at thankless jobs that don't give us any feeling of satisfaction (we have both been at the same job for the entire 18 years). We paid all of our debt down to nothing more than a house payment of 0 (plus your normal utilities). We have 3 cars, all paid off, NO credit card debt of any kind and NO loans of any kind other than the mortgage we mentioned. We make good money but have no life to speak of...we do NOT drink, smoke or do drugs of any kind, we do NOT go out and party...we just work. We have gotten to a point in our lives where we just want to live a little...some people say were just having a mid-life crisis...we don't know what to think. We have credit scores well above 820. We have saved over 0,000.00 and were thinking about quitting our jobs and retiring for 1 year, just so we can travel and vacation and enjoy our lives before were too old to do so. We have NO kids either. We have great work ethics and good backgrounds in everything from basic office work to upper management. Were assuming we'll be able to find work when we come back from our mini retirement. Please think carefully about your answer and let us know your age and what you think we should do. We read the poem below and its really making us wonder what to do:

    First I was dying to finish my high school and start college

    And then i was dying to finish college and start working

    Then I was dying to get married and have children

    And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work

    But then I was dying to retire

    And now I’m just dying....and I realised I forgot to live.

    Thanks for your time.
    This additional info is for the person named "Peace" who answered our question: The jobs were at are not jobs we would ever want to return to. Even if we dont quit for a year, we would definitely like to do something different for a living than what were doing now. We just dont want to leave these jobs and go directly into other jobs without taking some time for "us". We know we need time for us and just us, were just not sure how to go about it, when to do it and where to go while we do it...and thats if we "should" do it.

    • ANSWER:
      I am 51. A year ago when I was about to turn 50 I decided to have a mid life rebellion!! I quit my job at the library that had been satisfying at one time but now, due to budget cuts & because of a hiring freeze I was overworked and disgruntled. I was dealing with health issues and thought the time was right to take care of me for a while. I planned to return to work rejuvenated in one year.

      One year later. I have an empty nest and can't think of a job I would rather have than the one I left. They don't rehire. I found that I needed the job more than I thought I did. I am on the reclusive side and have lost contact with people that were important to me. I have more stress. Life goes on and instead of a time that I controlled and managed, new things took the place of my job to deplete my energy & enthusiasm. I lost my momentum. I realized not long ago that I didn't do one thing that could be considered rebellion except losing the job, so I became a redhead & somehow that is helping me get back on track. Don't know what is next.

      I say take a long vacation to a place you have dreamed of going to. Use that time to unwind and consider all possibilities. You could move to another location for the weather. Volunteer, learn a new trade, start a business or charity. It is your life and it can be whatever you want it to be. I believe that and I am trying to figure it out, if my health would just cooperate.

      Good luck.

      EDIT: We did get a motorcycle. We live in the smoky mountains and love to go scenic touring. Like the person above said, know how to ride before you buy a bike. It is a good way to make your current life less tedious.

      You can come to Tennessee!!! Everyone else is. it is beautiful now, ahhhh... That is one thing that is right in my life!!

  41. QUESTION:
    One newborn and a 3 year old, Am I having a midlife crisis?
    SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME TO BE A GOOD PARENT, IT IS A HARD THING, YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF UP TO IT VIRTUALLY, DEFINITELY A LIFELONG JOB, AND FROM WHAT PARENTS WITH OLDER KIDS TELL ME, ITS ONLY GONNA GET MORE DIFFICULT. DONT GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY KIDS, ITS JUST COMING TO GRIPS WITH GIVING UP ALL OF YOUR PERSONAL TIME THAT I STRUGGLE WITH AT TIMES. MY WIFE HANDLES IT A LOT BETTER THAN I DO, AND SHE IS PRETTY GENEROUS WITH ALLOWING ME TO GET AWAY, COMPARED TO OTHER WIVES, ESPECIALLY NOW SHE IS ATTACHED TO THE BABY 24/7. I KINDA WANT THEM BOTH TO BE OLDER SO I CAN RELATE TO THEM BETTER, BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE 'WONDER YEARS' AS THEY CALL IT. AM I GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS ALREADY??? SOMETIMES I THINK SO....
    I AM 34 AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME TO BE A GOOD PARENT, IT IS A HARD THING, YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF UP TO IT VIRTUALLY, DEFINITELY A LIFELONG JOB, AND FROM WHAT PARENTS WITH OLDER KIDS TELL ME, ITS ONLY GONNA GET MORE DIFFICULT. DONT GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY KIDS, ITS JUST COMING TO GRIPS WITH GIVING UP ALL OF YOUR PERSONAL TIME THAT I STRUGGLE WITH AT TIMES. MY WIFE HANDLES IT A LOT BETTER THAN I DO, AND SHE IS PRETTY GENEROUS WITH ALLOWING ME TO GET AWAY, COMPARED TO OTHER WIVES, ESPECIALLY NOW SHE IS ATTACHED TO THE BABY 24/7. I KINDA WANT THEM BOTH TO BE OLDER SO I CAN RELATE TO THEM BETTER, BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE 'WONDER YEARS' AS THEY CALL IT. AM I GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS ALREADY??? SOMETIMES I THINK SO....

    • ANSWER:
      I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis - but I would like to say - welcome to the world of parenting.

      As the mother of 4 boys, I can relate to what you are saying. It is tough. You have responsibilities that can sometimes seem overwhelming, and you can't just run away if things seem too tough to deal with. Hang in there - it does get easier. As they get older, they don't require the same kind of attention. Right now you are dealing with little ones who need to have EVERYTHING done for them. As they get older, that part becomes much easier.

      What you are going through is an adjustment period. Getting used to a new baby when there is already a small child in the home is hard. You are probably lacking sleep, which adds to that overwhelming feeling. Just try to find enjoyment in them. Don't focus so much on yourself. Find joy in the changes that are taking place in your children everyday. It may be hard to believe right now, but you will miss these days at some point.

      As far as the people that tell you it gets harder as they get older.....I disagree!! Mine are 17, 14, 12 and 10. It is so much easier now then it was when they were lttle. No more diapers, no more bottles, no more strollers, car seats, high chairs etc........ Now, I say "Boys we are outta here in 5 minutes...be ready to go." When we want to leave for a weekend, I tell them to be sure they pack enough underwear and to remember their toothbrushes. We don't have to pack up everything we own.

      With teenagers comes a different set of issues, but in my opinion, I would take them over a newborn anyday! At least they can tell me what is wrong if they are having a bad day, and they understand that I am allowed to have bad days too.

      You'll be ok! Try to enjoy it, and keep in mind that your wife may need some alone time also. Although she may appear to handle it better than you do, she needs a break sometimes too. Try to find someone you trust to watch the kids and get away together for a weekend. Enjoy each other! But........don't forget the birth control!!!!!!

      Good luck!

  42. QUESTION:
    would it be considered a midlife crisis, if i really wanted some serious appearance changes?
    i have a really serious notion to get a tatto on the cheek of my a--, peirce my ear, and start wearing preppy clothes! im a muddy blonde, but my boys natural white blonde and i like his better, so i want to bleach mine to match his. im 49, my wife is 40, and she always insists on being 'dressed' up! includeing going to work, and she works a warehouse job! and never seems to get dirty, and i guess part of the reason i want to change my image is for that reason! why would she ALWAYS have to be dressed like we are going out? even to work? an office job i could see! but not constantly! i want to give people an ENTIRELY differant impression of myself! is this not normal? and where could it have come from? i have always prided myself on not following the crowd, and not giving a DAMN what everyone else thought, why start now?

    • ANSWER:
      I totally agree with monocrome. Go for it baby! it's you're way of finding happiness so just you go do it and don't let you're wife try and stop you. If she does then she's not what you need. P.s when I say she's not what you need it sounds harsh but it's because if a woman truly loves you she will want to help you to be happy, not stop you.xx

  43. QUESTION:
    Is this my midlife crisis?
    I am 24 years old, stuck in a crappy manufacturing job, and I am worrying that this may be it. I made it through college with a BS in business management, but I couldn't find any decent jobs that paid well. So I took a manufacturing job just to make enough money so that my wife and I could live decently. That was fine because supposedly the company I was working for was going to promote me. Well, 1 1/2 years later, they laid me off rather than promote me. So I started at the bottom of another pole because I needed to make a certain amount to survive. Unfortunatly, I didn't do an internship in college because the first company I worked for said that I would move up. Guess I was wrong. SO now, nobody will touch me because I am too expensive and inexperienced. I am now depressed most of the time, unsatisfied with my job, unsure if I will ever get a career that I am happy with. In my mind, if I don't make a career by 30, I am never going to make it. Is this irrational or what?

    • ANSWER:
      this is not a midlife crises,

      this is a i was fired/laid off and all my career plans were wrecked sort of thing.

      It is a bit irrational, but still understandable.

  44. QUESTION:
    Is my husband having a midlife crisis?
    Next month, my husband will turn 49.

    He's a nice husband...does not drink or smoke...he's a good father and a good provider...he comes from a stable family...he's a nice, smart, caring person.

    I turned 50 last month.

    We've been married for almost 24 years and I thought (until about 12 hours ago) that I was happily married.

    We have two great sons, 17 and 23 (very good grades, very caring sons, no drugs or any other problems).

    I'm a good wife, taking care of all the bills and papers, I try to be a good cook (I'm French) and I keep in shape (I'm 5"5 and 120lbs) and I I enjoy sex.

    My husband quit his job to go to work in China and sent me an e-mail about how great his life is there now but I don't have to worry because family is important to him (I quit my job 25 years ago to take care of him, the house and the kids).

    His e-mail tells me he has a full life and feels free and in the future he wants to save the poor and helps the planet!
    Should I go into a deep depression, like a friend of mine did after her husband left her for a younger woman, then 5 years later wanted to come back...when it was too late (the same friend who warned me my husband would leave me when I would turned 50 and I did not want to believe her because I was happily married with the best of man and I kept in shape!?)

    I do not want to get depressed because of my sons...but my so nice and perfect husband is suddendly behaving like a lunatic, forgetting all about love and commitment and the vows of marriage...and uses e-mails to let me know he won't be coming home (unless our sons need him to be there so he could spend a week with them if needed!!!).

    I have patience…how many years should I wait for the crisis to end? Up to five years would be acceptable to me. That is how much I would be willing to wait for this to end.
    He never asked for a divorce or separation (just talk about the feeling of freedom).

    Me? going out on a date? I haven't been on a date for the last 25 years unless it was with my husband!

    I do not work so I just just take care of the home and my teenage boy who still has one year in high school before college.

    And taking care of the pet, the house, the garden and all the bills and exercising to keep in shape and being of Y/A to get help.

    • ANSWER:
      Hi Betty.....

      This has to be hard.

      While we can certainly understand your husband's desire to break away from the routine and do something different....."save the planet," your needs and your feelings matter too.

      It's time for a real conversation........or at least a real email.

      Maybe, this is what I would write......

      Dear Jim,

      First of all, I want to tell you how much I love you. I really love you! I've been truly proud to be your wife for almost 24 years now.

      Since you've gone to China, I've really missed you. I do understand and respect your desire to help the less fortunate, but that doesn't make your being away easy! It's just not the same not seeing your face around the house.

      The boys are fine, and I am continuing to keep things running smoothly around the house, so not to worry about that.

      I'm writing today, Jim, because I need to ask you a few questions.

      **Do you have a forecast as to when you might be returning home for a visit? when you might be returning home permanently?

      **You've said you would return home if the boys needed you. Does the same apply if I were the one who needed you?

      **How would you feel about my joining you in China if I could make appropriate arrangements for our son and the house?

      **Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?

      Please know, Jim, that I'm looking forward to the time when I see you again. I'm looking forward to giving you a big kiss!

      Much love,

      Betty.

      at least that's what I would do.

      IF he answers those questions, you might get a feel for what is actually going on over there......and whether this is really just a "break" or whether you have a broken marriage on your hands. (I don't think that's necessarily the case.)

      Hugs!

  45. QUESTION:
    My husband is definatley having a midlife crisis..?
    What is my role here as the wife of 10 years? We were in love once and now I have become the punching bag for everything that has gone wrong in our lives. I live in a house with this man that I don't recognize. He has never been a cheater. He is suddenly flirting with co-workers , texting messages this person is one that I can't touch or threaten since they are female prison guards, he wants his privacy all the sudden and tells me about how everything is my fault. He doesn't accept any responsibility for his action at all. I have absorbed paying all the bill, housekeeping, childcare, and working a full and part time job meanwhile he , yes, works at a prison and comes home to his 4 dogs which he still ignores even them! WTF! With all this I remain the punching bag he has even told me he never wanted to marry me but later will say he loves me? Please don't tell me divorce is the answer because that is not even an option. We have barley enough money to live on, huge debt. I could not divorce or even get a hotel for a night of peace. He probably has not cheated but is very close. God help him if he does everything will crash down at his feet because I am not going to keep this up. I just want to know what it is that he wants from me? Love him? Leave him? Let everything fall apart? i could use a few words of wisdom here because I am the one about to start my own mid life crisis and i don't think it is going to be pretty. I have my 4 year old to think about and he has 3 kids to think about total. My husband is so absorbed in his selfish plight right now...is he ever going to think about anyone else? Is it too late?
    yes, he did have a recent loss of his father. That has been hard for him and perhaps something that brings him closer to his owm mortality. This is truly a kind gentle man that I love but like I said it is all out of charachter for him. We used to be best friends and I feel very left out now. Thanks

    • ANSWER:

  46. QUESTION:
    At what age do men go thru their midlife crisis?
    Is it the same anxiety as what women experience?

    Men, are women understanding of yours as this guy relates?

    After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: "Darling, 50 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to
    sleep every night with a hot 21-year-old girl."

    Now I have a 0,000.00 home, a ,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

    My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 21-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

    Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.
    ..

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think theres any particular age, but there comes a time in your life that you finally realize you're not 25 anymore. That's the time when some men can't accept it, and then the "mid-life" crisis sets in, and in a number of cases, it leads to divorce because there always seems to be a younger women involved.
      The problem is a younger women is only going to take their money and run, but none of them are ever smart enough to see this.

  47. QUESTION:
    Are you a woman that has experienced a midlife crisis and because of it left your husband and fam?say experien
    My wife of 29 years left me for someone she met online after 29 years of marriage. She was loosing her mom to cancer and aws going thru other dificult circumstances and left everything. I would like to know of other ladies that have gone thru the same and what was the outcome. She says she is madly in love and will never come back. I always treated her like gold and our marriage was an example to everyone that new us. She put in for divorce right away.

    • ANSWER:
      I feel for you man, thats a hurt like no one can under stand but you. But if she doesn't love or at this time she thinks she does't well there isn't anything that can be done.

      At this point the best thing for you to do is try to keep some of your money and property. Get a lawer. Most people turn the hurt into reaction and fight to keep what they work so hard for.

      Try not to be the guy who pays for her bliss with the new guy. Do your best to keep your sanity.

      Remember what you once had is gone, Sorry to be the one who put it so blunt.

      Take care of yourself, as strange as it sounds it probably for the best.

      Have a great day Don

  48. QUESTION:
    For men going through MidLife Crisis...?
    What does a wife have to do to keep you from having an affair?

    • ANSWER:
      Mid-Life crisis doesnt necessarily mean an affair.. but If I had to answer I'd just say be supportive and affectionate..let him work through whatever it is he needs to work through,

  49. QUESTION:
    Is there really a male midlife crisis? Is it just the excuse to cheat?
    So he's got a loving, devoted wife and family. He's consistently fretting about hair loss, weight gain, .etc...already bought the sports car. Even though I was giving him reassurance and trying to make him see himself as I did, I believe he thought he was no longer attractive to other women. The first woman that paid him attention, he cheated with. I have no idea how long it was behind my back, my trust was unwavering. He just called home one day and said he wasn't coming back and subsequently moved in with this nurse from work and her four kids. Its like we were "EXCHANGED" for a new family. After 8 years with this man, I KNEW him inside, outside, good side, and bad side. He always had high morals and values. Lifetime military man. WHAT THE HECK MAKES A MAN TOTALLY CHANGE HIS ENTIRE PERSONALITY????????????
    I've had a man my husband's age, married, he's my jeweler, he told me that midlife crisis is BS that men use to excuse unexcuseable behavior. He said if my husband was "going through" something he should have talked with me about it or even suggest couples therapy if he didn't know how to tell me. So MEN opinions???

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, it does happen. My husband had one about a year and a half ago. It happens and it may get worse before it gets better for you. My husband moved in with a coworker. Needless to say it was devastating, but I filed for divorce and that's when things changed for us. He expected that I would always be at arm's length because I loved him so much, which I did. But after a few months of the situation I couldn't handle it any more. He left her, she became a psycho that reeked havoc on our lives for awhile, but we are back and he's got his head on straight. It's been a long journey, but he has been willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with me.

      What helped me the most was the support of friends and family, counseling, and church. I tried to really keep it together in front of him, but I was a basket case in a lot of ways.

      If you feel your marriage is worth salvaging, hang in there and be strong and supportive. I kept telling him that he was going through a ML crisis, which he denied until much later.

      I found these sites extremely helpful:
      http://midlifeclub.com/
      http://ojar.com/
      http://drphil.com/articles/category/5/21

  50. QUESTION:
    Am I going through a midlife crisis? BTW I'm mid 30's.?
    I can't figure out whats going on inside. I feel like I'm being cut out of conversations at home and that I'm no longer enough of what my family needs and wants. Recently, my wife and others in my household told me that I needed to find more guy friends. We are all very close and we enjoy each others company in and out of the house. My wife is my best friend and I'm satisfied with being with her. I do hang out with the fellas maybe once a month. But when the suggestion was made to me to get more guy friends I felt like my best friend and other close friends in my home were telling me that my company was not as interesting anymore. Also, they seem to communicate more with a couple who are friends of ours but it seems like I'm always the last to know anything if I'm even told. What you think?

    • ANSWER:
      Maybe your just over analyzing everything. just try to be happy do get more friends but if being home is what make You happy then do it. just don't analyze everything it will pass...


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